


Silver Bullets

by elliptical



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi, Supernatural Elements, Vampire Slayer(s), Vampires, Werewolves, poor humans caught in the middle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2017-11-27 22:18:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/667096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elliptical/pseuds/elliptical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Strider discovers the consequences of having an extra set of teeth and a fuck ton of bloodlust.<br/>Jade Harley blacks out every month and wakes up with blood on her hands.<br/>Rose Lalonde swears to wipe out every human-threatening monster in existence.<br/>And John Egbert is a normal teenage boy caught up in the middle.<br/>Update 10/28/14:  Work has been discontinued.  Sorry.  ):</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> ahaha people on tumblr were pretty enthusiastic about this au so i decided to write this since i was inspired!!!  
> here have a prologue.

“I can see it – eugh. Navigate a little to your right, I’ll be right here if you get in trouble.” A pause. “I could use a drink.”

The girl rolls her eyes and makes her way across the grass as silently as she can, picking her footing carefully. Only when she enters the copse of trees does she let her footfalls find heavier purchase, dead leaves crackling. No need for a stealthy approach, not really.

In the not-so-far distance, a car horn beeps. This park doesn’t extend as far as she’d like, but it’s good enough. The bloodsucker they’re after is young, newly turned, and sure to be inexperienced. An easy kill, which is why her mother lets her at it by herself. The bird has to fly the nest at some point and all. Independence. Some teens learn to drive, Rose Lalonde learns to murder the guilty.

Sweet.

It turns toward her as she approaches, keeping up a wonderful façade of being a normal teenage boy, same as she plays a normal teenage girl. It’s got an inhuman pallor and eyes that nearly glow red, but she only takes note because she’s been taught. Her mind automatically assigns it flowery clichéd descriptions – snow-white hair, gleaming smile, tall and lanky. Perhaps she’ll write a poem about the feeling of black blood peeled from a charming bouquet of flowers.

“I’m sorry,” she says, smiling slightly. “I didn’t realize anybody else was out here. I hope you don’t mind sharing the space.”

“Nah, it’s cool.”

She shoves her hands into her pockets, feeling for the grip of her gun. Her heart pounds with a burst of adrenaline. She knows it’ll hear, but hopefully it’ll just pass it off as the nerves of being around a stranger in the dead of night.

“What brings you out here?” she asks. The metal cools around her hand. She knows how to do this. She’s done it before – this is just the first time without her mother coaxing.

“Felt like chilling. Hope you won’t get too mad if I deprive you of your badass moment. I know you’re dying for me to go all like, ‘What brings you out here?’ and for you to go ‘Slaying you,’ and to whip out your gun or stake or whatever and get me right through the heart. Rude. Rude as hell.”

“Well, if you want to cut right to the chase.”

She pulls out the gun and calmly points it at the creature’s heart. Silver bullets, enough to kill it, enough for the body to dissipate to ashes. Her hand is still and steady as a statue, her aim perfect. Though adrenaline bursts through her veins, she’s anything but frightened. Standing like this, she’s tall, she’s powerful, she’s practically immortal.

The safety clicks off.

“Y’know, I probably wouldn’t even have attacked you. It’s not like I’m some kinda insatiable monster fresh out of hell. I do stop having an appetite sometimes.” The corner of its mouth quirks upward. “See, I fed yesterday while you and mamma bear were off having a lovely feminine brunch together. Or whatever the fuck it is you guys do. I don’t actually care.”

She shoots, but it’s already moved – stepped to the right as soon as her finger tightened on the trigger. The reflexes (instincts?) are unexpected in someone so newly turned, and she falters for the tiniest of moments. Maybe a tenth of a second. It must have someone teaching it, she realizes – and the hesitation is enough. Before she can shift to shoot again, an arm wraps around her waist, a hand pressed against her throat.

“Oh, for the love of fuck,” she groans, willing everything in her not to betray how terrified she is. Her mom will come swooping in any second now and fix this bullshit, berate her for pausing, and then they’ll go home and have a two AM dinner.

“I’m bored now,” the vamp says.

She twists in its grip to point the gun at it again, straight between the eyes, blow the fucking brains out. But it’s moved again, fingers clamping tight around her wrist, tight enough that she feels her bones grind together. The tiniest little whimper of pain passes her lips, and this whole altercation has happened in the span of mere seconds, and fuck fuck FUCK – she underestimated her opponent, she’s the inexperienced one here. She’s fucked.

Its thumb presses against the middle of her wrist, forcing the muscles in her fingers to loosen up. Despite her efforts to twist away, all of her training seems to mean jack shit. The night air rustles by her face and she takes in a sharp breath and she feels every tiny bit, the press of his icy fingers on her skin and the brush of the wind through her hair and the searing of her ragged gasps and the understanding that slides through her chest. Underestimated her opponent, should have moved faster, shouldn’t have hesitated, shouldn’t have – fuck.

It plucks the gun from her fingers. She closes her eyes, draws breath to scream.

“Sorry, seriously,” it says, and for some reason it actually sounds sincere. A hallucination brought on by the panic, no doubt. “Gotta distract your mom somehow.”

Her eyes open and fix on the creature’s. Up close, its face is very human, very open, even though a smirk still pulls at the corner of its mouth. She waits for her mother to burst in, for the ring of a gunshot, or for the press of cold metal between her eyes.

Instead the bloodsucker lowers the muzzle to point at her thigh.

“This is gonna hurt like a bitch,” it says.

Bang.

***

“Man, you should’ve warned me being a vampire is dramatic as hell. I feel like I’m in the middle of a fuckin’ soap opera.”

Dave swings onto the fire escape and through the window of this room. Bro, of course, is right where he’s promised to be, watching him with an almost proud expression on his face.

“You passed your first test, kiddo. Nice job.”

“Well, it was either that or be murdered, so.”

The room reeks of the girl. He knows because her blood soaked into his pant leg and he’ll never get the scent out. God fucking dammit, his mouth waters.

“So while I was distracting ‘em, what did you learn?”

“Basically that we’re fucked. You kill them?”

“No. Shot the chick in the leg so I could make a quick getaway, but other than that they’re both fine.”

“Good.” Bro inhales once, deeply, and ducks back out of the room.

“Why d’you want ‘em alive so bad anyway? Wouldn’t it make more sense to like, murder them in their beds? Hell of a lot more convenient for us.”

“I’ve got a beef with the lady.” Bro doesn’t take the stairs. He likes to be flashy, so instead he just leaps over the edge of the fire escape and lands in the alley three stories below without breaking any bones. Dave follows the way a normal human would because he likes to pretend he’s not a complete douche.

“Uh huh. Well, if I end up dead because of your medieval feuds, I’m going to be really pissed.”

“You’re not going to end up dead. I’ve taught you well.”

“Uh huh.”

They disappear into the shadows, and the night turns into day.


	2. chapter one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dave is a dick that's it that's the whole chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe i'm really enjoying writing this au i hope you guys are enjoying reading it

TT: John, are you there? Or are you getting ready for school?   
GT: hey rose!   
GT: i just got out of the shower. give me a sec to put some clothes on.   
TT: Oh, you’re naked right now?   
TT: Excuse me whilst I succumb to the lurid fantasies.   
GT: yes. the water drips down my chiseled torso. ooh la la.   
TT: I’m swooning.   
GT: gasp! rose, don’t you see that this is something that can never be!   
GT: for we are… HITCHED BREATH… meant only to be best friends.   
GT: it is fated in the stars.   
TT: But haven’t even angels fought their fate?   
GT: yes, but i am not an angel. i am a boy who needs to put a pair of boxers on. brb.   
TT: Okay.   
GT: okay, back! what did you need?   
GT: did you study for the physics test because i totally forgot that we even had a physics test until like midnight last night and then i was like HOLY SHIT and then i spent an hour studying but i was really tired so i didn’t actually take any of it in.   
GT: i am so fucked.   
TT: It’s not about the physics test. I’m emailing my teachers as we speak, but can you pick up my work for me today? I’m not going to be in school for a week or so.   
GT: oh no. :( what happened?   
TT: Nothing.   
GT: well, i know something must have happened because you always plan out your work schedule freakishly well if you know in advance you’re going to be out. you are a scary perfectionist like that.   
GT: everything ok? what will i do without you there to chant satanic rituals at the annoying kids?   
TT: I broke my leg last night is all. Very dramatic in theory, not so much in practice.   
TT: I’m going to have to lie around in searing amounts of pain for a while.   
GT: !!! what happened??   
TT: Fell down my stairs.   
GT: oh no!    
GT: okay, i’ll get you your stuff. and come see you later, if that’s all right.   
TT: Sure. I could use the company. Just not up for too much roughhousing.   
GT: that’s a shame, because my first thought was to have a wrestling match with you.   
GT: how dare you ruin my plans.   
TT: I’m a cruel and unusual human being, I know.   
TT: Anyway, go get ready or you’ll miss the bus.   
TT: I’ll talk to you later. <3

John Egbert spins around in his computer chair once before logging off and pulling on a shirt. He stretches and stumbles into the bathroom, raking a comb through his wet hair in an everyday futile attempt to make it lie flat. After about five seconds he gives up – it’s never going to happen – and races out to catch the bus.

He settles into his usual seat towards the back and pulls out his physics textbook, working through practice problems, chewing on the end of his pencil. Which is why he doesn’t even register the new kid until a voice asks, “Yo, is it cool if I sit here?”

Some tall pale fucker wearing really dumb-looking sunglasses stands above him. John shrugs and scoots over. Either a new student or someone new to the bus route. Point is, he’s never seen the kid around before.

He doesn’t actually give half a shit, though. Dude’s got earbuds in and seems quite content to zone out in his own little world, so John goes back to doing his physics problems. At least until the guy next to him helpfully pipes up, “You solved wrong for the first variable on number two. The whole problem’s fucked up.”

“Thank you for your assistance, Einstein.” John doesn’t give the kid the satisfaction of redoing his work, and instead continues down the row.

“You’re setting up your equation wrong, you” –

“Did I ask you to police me?”

“Nah. Just figured I’d help out a dude who’s clearly in need of assistance, but if you’re not up for that, then fine.”

“Well, while we’re helping each other, I should let you know that wearing 70's sunglasses is lame and douchey as hell, and skinny jeans are only attractive if you’ve got the legs for ‘em.”

“I have an eye condition.”

“So do I. It was brought on by your flagrant and horrifying lack of ass.”

The guy cracks a smile and offers his hand. “I’m Dave.”

John hesitates for a brief second before taking it. “John.”

“Nice to meet you, John.”

“You have to help me with these equations.”

***

John tries really hard not to spend his whole day thinking about Dave – who is, in fact, a new student. It’s sort of hard, though, considering that Dave manages to teach him more in fifteen minutes than his physics teacher has the whole semester. The dude is a pretty popular topic around school that first day, too. He’s in John’s English class and gains himself fame and popularity forever through amazingly simple means. On his first day, too. Well done.

Simple but impressive means.

“If one of you can get up and come up with a rap about, say… cats… right on the spot, I’ll cancel the test tomorrow. The catch is that it has to include three metaphors, two similes, and two lines in iambic pentameter.”

Mr. Nitram’s mostly joking. He doesn’t actually expect anyone to do it.

But Dave stands up, cracks his knuckles, and says, “I will take you on.”

“Oho, a challenger! Mr. Strider, are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’m sure,” he says.

And then he proceeds to lay down the sickest feline rap the world has ever seen.

No test. Instant fame.

Good on him.

English is the last period of the day. You head up to Mr. Nitram afterward. Dave hangs behind too, his bag slung over his shoulder.

“Rose wanted me to pick up her work for her.”

“Yes, she emailed me. I have it here.” He hands you a small stack of papers. “Poor girl.”

“If you want to give me Jade’s, I can deliver that too? Since she and Rose live in the same complex.”

“Sure. Just give me a second to pull the work together. You have a bus to catch?”

“No, my dad’s picking me up.”

He moves behind his desk and opens a drawer, shuffling through a sheaf of papers. “And what do you need, Dave?” he asks without looking up. “By the way, I can’t believe that rap you came up with earlier. You cheated me of a perfectly good opportunity to fail everyone.” 

“I am deeply sorry. In the core of my soul.” Dave leans against the wall. “You were talking about a group project people were working on, right? Do I have to complete that? ‘Cause I don’t have a partner or anything.”

“Not if you don’t want to.”

“Well, to be honest, it would be kinda nice? I mean, it sounds pretty easy, so it would be a sweet grade booster. And opportunity to socialize, y’know.” He grins. “I can’t pass up a reason to talk to people and completely fail to work on the assignment.”

“You’re lucky you already made a good first impression,” Mr. Nitram says. “I think the only person without a partner right now is Rose, and she’s going to be out for a few days. I’m sure she’s busily working on the project at home.”

“What’s she out with?”

“Broken leg.”

Dave tilts his head to the side. “Hmm. What if you gave her an extension, and let me and her work on it later? That way she’s got more time to work on her other assignments, I can get a good grade, it all works.”

“That might be doable.”

John grins behind his hand. Rose hates group assignments, but she’s far too diplomatic to pitch a fit. Poor, dear, sweet, precious Rose. Whatever will she do.

“Hey, John. You said you know her, right? Can you give me her email or chumhandle or something so I can contact her?”

“Sure.”

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 17:03--  
TG: hey so im in your english class apparently  
TG: rudely encroaching on the imagery project  
TT: Yes, I received an email from Mr. Nitram.  
TG: haha sweet ok so yeah im dave  
TT: Rose.  
TG: well rose im sure we are going to have all KINDS of amazing adventures together

Dave smiles and puts his phone away for a second, nudging the corpse of the man before him with his foot.

TT: You have no idea the kinds of adventures I’ve had in the past. You’ll be hard pressed to beat them.   
TG: okay maybe not but still

_No, Rose._

_I think I do._


	3. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smooches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe

“You need to be more careful.” Jade anxiously paces at the foot of the bed, turning to look at Rose every so often with sharp little glances. She’s been here since four in the morning, alternately muttering under her breath and hovering around Rose. “Do you need to change the bandages yet?” 

“They’ll be fine for another hour or so. Relax.” 

“You need to be more careful,” Jade repeats. 

“I know. Like I already told you, I made the mistake of underestimating him. Believe me, it’s not going to happen again. I don’t like this any more than you do. It’s humiliating.” 

Jade heaves a sigh and blows a strand of hair out of her eyes. “You should have told me you were going out.” 

“I knew you would worry. Most of the time when I go out I don’t get injured.” 

“How often do you?” 

“Twice a week, usually?” 

“Oh my god.” 

“See, I knew you would react like this.” Rose opens her arms. “Come here.” 

Jade climbs into the bed next to her, pressing up against her body. She tugs the sheets up to both of them and kisses the corner of Rose’s mouth, her eyes closing. Rose’s arms wrap lightly around her waist and pull her closer, fingers slipping under her shirt and rubbing lightly at her back. 

“I’m still annoyed,” Jade huffs. 

“I know.” Rose kisses her nose, her cheek, and then her lips. “How about now?” 

“Yep.” 

Rose slips her fingertips underneath the fabric of Jade's shirt, skimming lightly across her stomach and hooking in her navel. Her teeth lightly close around her girlfriend's bottom lip, sucking it into her mouth. "Now?" 

"Hmph." 

She smiles and kisses down Jade's jaw, nuzzling under her ear. "I'm sorry I worried you." 

"You can't keep doing this." 

"I'm very careful. If I don't go out, then I won't gain any experience, and then I'll be in even more danger in the field on the days I do go out. Does that make sense?" 

"Don't talk to me like I'm three years old." 

"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to." 

"I don't think it's right that your mom makes you do all these things." 

"She doesn't make me do anything, Jade. I'm happy to." Rose kisses the hollow of her throat. "It's just like any other dangerous job. If I wanted to become a soldier in the army, or a firefighter or a police officer, would you have the same reaction?" 

"Probably not! But we'd be older, I mean you are a teenager, teenagers aren't supposed to..." 

"Jade." Kiss. "It's fine." Kiss. "Don't worry." Long, very distracting kiss. 

"Hmmmph." She folds her arms. 

"Jaaaade." 

She sighs and rests her head on Rose's shoulder. "Promise me that if you get hurt like this again, you'll stop for me. Okay? I don't want you to die." 

Rose blows a strand of hair out of her face. "Okay. I promise." 

"Then I guess I feel better." 

*** 

Rose's greatest skill besides hunting is lying through her teeth. 

It's a side effect of being a monster hunter. She's lucky to have lived her entire life in one city, considering who she and her mother are, what they have to do. Certainly the metal buildings and skyscrapers are beyond overrun by flesh-crawling monsters, but it's a mark of her mother's prowess that their safety has yet to be compromised. 

Once Rose heals, they'll have to track down the bloodsucker again, and whoever's training him. Get the fuck rid of both of them. Maybe call in backup just in case, since it's surprising how much the vamps seem to know what they're doing. 

She can't count the lies she's told to Jade on both hands and feet. It's sort of a "number of stars in the sky, numbers of hairs on your head" deal. The deceit passes so easily that she doesn't even pause to consider. Granted on the few nights she spends alone trying to sleep so she can keep up with schoolwork, she's sometimes plagued by guilt. 

But Jade only knows the little she does for a reason, and like hell Rose is going to drag her into this world. 

Simple Truths and Unraveled Lies of Rose Lalonde: 

1\. She has no intention, ever, of giving up hunting. To do so would be to compromise everything she is, everything she has sworn to be. A protector, a watchful soldier. And the idea of giving up the adrenaline that sears her veins, sets her teeth on edge... _god_. When she hunts, she's alive. Her blood becomes liquid fire, her breath pointed blades. Her hands are weapons, reflexes sharp, muscles locking into something otherworldly, something more than human, and god she couldn't _live_ without the killing. 

2\. Jade believes she hunts only vampires, which is a lie fabricated for the sake of simplicity. No need to reveal too much about the shadowed world around blind humans. Vampires are the main prey. The occasional pixie, although they don't like city environments because the iron corrodes their lungs. Incubi, though Rose's mother won't let her go on trips to slay those. And wolves, which are far too easy to kill. Not nearly enough of a challenge. 

3\. Rose breathes poetry from the deepest chasms of her chest, scribbles the words on her walls and scrap paper and napkins. The pencil-and-pen scrawls comfort her whenever she awakens and her mother hasn't returned from a hunt, gentle reminders that language will always be a blanket to soothe any imperfections. 

4\. Her mother is crazy. 

5\. Rose may be too. 

Breathe. 

*** 

John slips into the apartment when Rose and Jade are in the middle of making out. "Um, I do not want to interrupt this love fest, but I have both of your school assignments. So. If you feel like breaking apart anytime soon and, like, remembering that air exists, that would be cool." 

When they pull apart, Rose's lips look swollen and Jade has a hickey on her neck. For fuck's sake. 

"I wouldn't have walked in here if I realized you two were - I mean - your mom sent me in." He rubs the back of his neck. 

"Why don't you join us? Make it a threesome?" 

"I would, except you both actually terrify me, so I'm pretty sure that's a terrible idea," he says, grinning and shrugging his backpack off. "Here. I can throw this at you and run if you guys want to keep smooching." 

"We can do more than that, believe me." 

"Yeah, but I don't want to talk about lesbian sex, because then I'm going to get turned on and you're going to give me a lecture about how I'm fetishizing your relationship and somehow guilt trip me." 

Rose grins. "You know me so well." 

"Hmph." John unzips the bag and pulls out a clipped bundle of worksheets, and then a second slightly smaller one. He passes them to their respective owners and perches on the foot of the bed. "Have you been over here all day?" 

"Yep!" Jade says. 

"You've been over here all day, and my dad won't even let me skip when I have a stomachache," John says with a huff. 

"You have a stomachache every Friday," Jade points out. 

"That's beside the point!" 

Rose smiles and closes her eyes for a brief second, and she thinks to herself, how wonderful it is to have two such close friends. 

*** 

On the other side of the city, Dave Strider perches on a roof railing and watches the golden light of the afternoon bleed into night. 

*** 

Jade Harley awakens the next morning as exhausted as if she hadn't slept a wink, surprised to find dirt and mud crusted on her bare feet. Out sleepwalking, she thinks to herself, rolling over and groaning. She must have gone pretty far to find a place with mud. Amazing she wasn't injured. 

The moon is three quarters full.


	4. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dumb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it should not have taken this long to update i am sorry. updates should be much more regular after this uvu

Jade’s always been a restless spirit. She can never find one place she wants to stay. Can’t even find one position to sit in for more than a few minutes, always fidgeting and crossing her arms. Sometimes she’ll wake in the middle of the night and pace in her bedroom for ages, anxious. Sometimes she’ll go running through the park instead, which is the worst idea in the world but helps her relax.

She’s lived with her grandfather for as long as she can remember. He tells her of his adventures and the places he’s explored all over the world, tales so mysterious and exotic that she can nearly taste them. God knows she wants to travel like that, to see everything. But first she has to graduate high school. Ugh.

And deal with an impossible girlfriend who spends her time killing vampires. Double ugh.

After that first day with Rose, though, she can’t miss any more days of school. Unlike some Vampire Hunter Extraordinaires, she doesn’t enjoy doing a million times the normal workload in the evenings.

“Don’t I have to make up the English test, though?” she asks Mr. Nitram.

“No, you don’t. The newest member of our class got you out of that one.” He mock huffs and settles at his desk as the rest of the class continues their homework. Mr. Nitram is one of the cool teachers who gives time to start the homework at the end of the period. And doesn’t get all, there are five seconds left before the bell rings, how dare you pack up.

“Got me out of grading thirty papers, too, so I shouldn’t complain,” he adds, half to himself.

She flops down in her chair and pulls out her textbook to review the lesson anyway. A paper airplane lands neatly on her desk, and she opens it to find John’s handwriting scrawled. Only John would make a paper airplane instead of passing notes like a normal person.

_new kid is named dave. he is cute. i’ll introduce you. if i wasn’t busy being straight i would want to touch his butt._

She writes a reply and tosses the airplane back.

_john i am sure youll end up touching his butt anyway!! follow your dreams :)_

John sticks his tongue out at her from across the room and then goes back to his work. The new kid, Jade gloriously infers, is the white guy she’s never seen before. He is very white. Impressively white. Like, if she rated whiteness on a scale from Almost Not A Pale Fucker to Just Crawled Out Of A Cellar, he’d be about at Victorian Lady Powdering Her Face To Appear Skeletal. The rating system would also make no sense. But that is beside the point.

After the bell rings, John trots over to Jade’s desk, Dave the White Boy following behind. She puts her textbook away and smiles up at them, pushing her hair out of her face. “Hi! I’m Jade.”

“Dave.”

“Cool.”

Very exciting.

“Dammit, I thought I’d have more time to talk, but my next class is across campus – gotta run!” John says, and takes off.

Jade stands up and turns toward the door, but Dave taps her on the shoulder. “Hey. Jade.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want any beef with you, all right? I’ll mind my business if you mind yours.”

She frowns. “What are you talking about?”

“You don’t…” He pauses and then shrugs. “Nothin’. Half the time I don’t even know what I’m on about. Anyway, I have to jet. What’s your next class?”

“Algebra.”

“Huh. Mine too. What room?”

“202.”

“Guess you’re in that class with me too. Exciting. Want to walk together?”

“Um. Sure?”

A prickle of discomfort slides down her spine, but she does it out of politeness. He makes her uneasy for some reason she can’t quite identify, an instinct in the back of her mind. It must be irrational, though – John seems to like him. And hey, she can avoid him aside from between classes. So she can put up with a three minute walk.

As they’re going down the stairs toward the math wing, he strikes up a conversation. “So do you know that Rose chick?”

“You could say that.”

“What’s she like?”

“Why are you asking about her?”

“I’m working with her on the imagery project.”

“Then you can ask her what she's like,” she says. "Don't have to go through me."

“Ooh. Frosty. Jesus, didn’t mean to pry.”

They reach the bottom of the stairs and turn left, mixing with the sea of students.

“I don’t mean to come off as rude or anything,” Jade says. “It’s just you make me nervous.” She’s never been one to sugarcoat.

“Can’t imagine why,” he replies. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to freak you out or anything. Like I said, I don’t want any trouble. I was just curious.”

“Right.” She enters the classroom and settles into her seat. “You’re weird.”

“I’ve been called worse.”

“By the way,” she adds, figuring she should do a service, “John wants to touch your butt.”

***

TG: are you a lesbian   
TG: are you and jade banging   
TG: you totally are arent you   
TG: holy shit   
TG: do you know how long it took me to deduce that   
TG: .04 seconds thats what   
TT: Excuse me?   
TG: you and jade   
TG: totally doing it behind closed doors   
TG: how long has that been a thing   
TG: you know objectively speaking she has nice hair what a nice catch   
TT: “She has nice hair.”   
TT: Right.   
TT: It’s not exactly a difficult conclusion to jump to. Half the student body knows. We’re painfully obvious about it.   
TT: I take it you two talked today?   
TG: yep   
TT: Fascinating.   
TG: its my second day of school and i already played spot the lesbian   
TT: Pardon, but I really don’t care what you think about my sexual orientation.   
TT: Or my relationship.   
TT: Honestly the only reason I’m speaking to you is because I need to complete the imagery project with you. Although if you’d like, I could do the whole project on my own and let you claim the credit.   
TG: talking to me is that painful huh   
TT: Yes.   
TG: sorry   
TG: like i mean it im not trying to come off as a huge tool its just sort of ingrained in my nature   
TG: i have to write “dave the huge tool” on resumes and everything   
TG: what a mouthful   
TT: Okay, I sort of cracked a smile at that.   
TT: Are you starving for social contact or something?   
TT: God knows I don’t have a reputation for being the most outgoing of ladies. You must be hard pressed for communication if you’re this determined to converse with me.   
TG: idk to be honest i think youre kind of cool   
TG: obviously youre smart even though you constantly sound like you vomited up a dictionary   
TG: and you clearly dont take shit from people   
TG: i like people who dont take shit from people   
TT: Uh huh.   
TT: Charming.   
TG: all right all right ill leave you alone im just sayin youre Bearable   
TT: I’m flattered.   
TT: Thanks.

“She’s dating a werewolf,” Dave tells Bro, spinning around in his computer chair.

"Rose or her mom?"

"Rose."

Bro doesn’t look up from the X-box. “Some hunter.”

“I don’t think she knows the werewolf is a werewolf.”

Bro snorts. “Wow.”

“I’m not even sure the werewolf knows she’s a werewolf.”

“Wo-o-ow.” He draws it out, shooting a pedestrian on the screen. “That’s a drama bomb waiting to happen. Make sure you’re not around when it explodes.”

“I’m sure I’ll have enough drama on my hands the second Rose comes back to school. Although that part will be fun.”

“True that.” He shoots another pedestrian. “She should have the presence of mind not to whip out a stake in the middle of the hallway, but you never know. Prepare for the worst.”

“She’ll probably follow me home and try to stake me instead.”

“Rude.”

“Tell me about it. But fun.” Dave flops onto the floor and kicks his legs in the air like an overturned beetle. “Are you ever going to tell me what your whole end game is, anyway? What exactly is your so-called ‘beef’ with her mom?”

“I’ll tell you sometime. Not now.”

“Ugh. Fine.”

“Patience is a virtue.”

“I’m going to take a nap.”

***

Jade dreams of running, running for miles and miles and never stopping. Her legs never get tired, and though she can feel her heart pounding and her lungs straining for air, she never needs to slow down. She just runs and runs, over hills and through forests and along the shores of lakes. She dreams of swimming through the glassy water, watching ripples distort the reflection of the full moon, and for some reason it’s not strange at all that she’s not human.

She wakes feeling more refreshed than she has in ages, but she can’t remember the dream at all.


	5. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _there's a place in the dark where the animals go_  
>  _you can take off your skin in the cannibal glow_  
>  _juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands_  
>  _drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, romeo_  
>  -the sharpest lives, my chemical romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **this chapter is nsfw.**
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> i'm back and REALLY WILL BE UPDATING REGULARLY THIS TIME - i am sorry about the delay, i temporarily put my works on hiatus so i could focus on school. but yes, i am back now. hi.
> 
> this chapter includes lesbians. and werewolves.

At midnight three days later, Jade has spent two hours trying to fall asleep, tossing and turning. Eventually she decides it's not going to happen and pulls out her laptop, logging on to Pesterchum, pleased to see Rose's icon. 

GG: roooose??   
GG: are you awake? :o   
TT: Yes. Hi.   
GG: hi!  
GG: is your mom home :O   
TT: No. She's hunting.   
TT: Why?   
GG: how sleepy are you?   
TT: Not very.   
GG: can i come over?   
TT: I don't see why not.   
TT: Is something wrong?   
GG: not really...   
GG: well i mean a little   
GG: i am feeling weird   
TT: Weird how?   
GG: i am like   
GG: tired and lonely and hungry and horny all at the same time   
GG: so basically i have morphed into a typical teenage boy   
GG: it is miserable :(   
TT: Omfg.   
TT: Sure, you can come over. Just be careful of my leg if you are going to do any heavy duty ~*~schmexy~*~ things.  
GG: welp you just killed my boner   
TT: You're welcome.   
GG: ... nope there it is again   
GG: i will be there in like two minutes   
GG: is the door open?   
TT: Yep.   
GG: yay! 

Jade's there in ninety seconds, slipping into Rose's bedroom and closing the door behind her. Rose, for her part, has a book open on her lap, but she puts the novel aside when she catches sight of the look on Jade's face. 

"You really are in a mood, aren't you?" she says. 

"I told you I feel weird." Jade climbs into the bed next to her, settling down on the mattress and kissing Rose's neck. "And you smell nice." 

"I smell nice?" 

"Like flowers." 

"Like roses?" 

"Ye - Rose, no." 

Rose snickers as Jade kisses over her throat and along her jaw, sucking gently at the hollow behind her ear. The laughter dies off as Jade nibbles her earlobe, and she turns to capture Jade's mouth with her own. For a few minutes the two of them are molten lava, sliding against each other, fingertips tracing ribs and hips and the insides of thighs. Their tongues slip alongside each other, exploring teeth and the insides of mouths and lips, and there's an electric spark between them, quiet sighs and soft moans. Then with a static charge fast as the flip of a switch, they press closer, harsher, becoming a tangle of limbs. Rose's fingers knot in Jade's hair while Jade's mouth attacks everywhere it can reach, something heated and nearly desperate pressing her to move faster.

"Fuckfuckfuck, just be careful - my leg," Rose says. 

Jade nods and undoes the first button on her blouse, biting her collarbones. The response is a soft moan and the shifting of hips. 

"How long until your mom gets back?" she says. "How much time do we have?" 

"She's trying to track the bloodsucker who shot me." Rose closes her eyes and tugs on the strands of hair. "Might be a while." 

"Good." 

Jade bites the junction where Rose's shoulder meets her neck, sucking hard, her fingers moving to undo the rest of the shirt buttons. Rose wriggles out of the blouse and slides her hands up her girlfriend's back, fingernails scratching harsh trails into the dark skin. 

"Fuck, okay, okay - nghh." Her eyes slide closed, and she pulls Jade closer. "How far - how far do you want to go tonight?" 

"Until you stop me." Jade kisses down her chest and flicks her tongue over one of Rose's nipples, humming low in the back of her throat. It's a guttural sort of sound, filled with quiet desire she can't quite put into words. 

Rose digs her fingernails harder into Jade's back, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. "I'm not stopping you." 

"Good." She whines and scrapes her teeth ever-so-lightly over Rose's breast, then kisses downward, tugging her pajama pants down her hips. She's in such a rush when she hooks her fingers in Rose's panties that the fabric tears, hands shaking slightly, breathing hard.

Rose, like the most blessed of girlfriends, laughs instead of being annoyed. "A little eager there?" 

"I am in a mood. Leave me alone." 

"So I can tell." 

Jade slips her fingers between Rose's legs, and when Rose shifts around to reciprocate, pins both of her wrists with her free hand. Rose whines softly but doesn't protest, tugging against her grip, back arching. 

"I want..." A small crease appears between Jade's eyebrows. "I want to make you feel good. Want to make you all mine." 

"I'm already yours." 

The words awaken some primal urge in her, and she leans down and kisses Rose as hard as she can, biting fiercely at her lips as though to lay a claim. Her hand presses against Rose's clit, circling gently until she feels her girlfriend squirm. Then she allows the touches to become faster, more insistent, ignoring the heat in her own stomach in favor of listening to all of Rose's gorgeous noises. 

"Fuckfuckfuck," Rose hisses against her mouth, her back arching farther. Her voice trails into another whine, more pathetic than the first. "I want to touch you." 

"I like having you pinned." Jade bites her lip again, tongue tracing the marks. 

"Mmm, fuck, please." 

"No." 

She giggles softly at Rose's frustrated noise, kissing her cheek in apology and slipping two fingers inside of her. The reaction is just as she expected - Rose's eyes go wide and she clenches down, evidently forgetting her earlier annoyance. 

"Fuck. Fuck. That's good," she says, toes curling. 

Jade adds another finger, stroking lightly, her thumb pressed up against Rose's clit. On Rose's part, there's sweaty skin and she's trying to bite down on her noises, but if there's one thing she isn't good at it's silence during sex. 

Jade kisses her ear, pinning her harder. "I want to hear you," she says. 

Rose moans quietly, her hips shifting erratically against Jade's hand, trying to create her own rhythm. "I can - I think - I'm getting close." 

Jade nods, feeling the telltale twitches of her thighs and tensing of her stomach. She pulls her fingers out and returns her attention to the clit, letting out a low moan of her own, so desperate to mark Rose as her territory that she doesn't even register leaning in and biting her neck until she tastes blood. 

Rose shudders and whimper-moans as she comes, and Jade presses her through it, only pulling away when she makes a sound of discomfort. Releasing her hands, she sits back and wipes her mouth, panting and shivering at the sight. It's a few seconds before it sinks in what a mess Rose is and the fact that she's bleeding. Whoops. 

"Fuck, I'm sorry!" 

"It's okay." Rose blinks and sits up, gingerly touching the marks on her neck and shoulder. "Next time you should break out the whips and chains." 

She flushes lightly. "I didn't..." 

"I'm just teasing," Rose says, leaning in and nuzzling her. "Shh, it's okay. It was good. I would have stopped you if it wasn't good. But we should probably put some antiseptic on this bite." 

*** 

She sleeps in Rose's room that night, mildly surprised to wake up the next morning feeling refreshed. No sleepwalking at all, then. What a miracle.

School remains the same as usual, a blur of teachers and too-easy classes and John the Straight Boy very obviously flirting with Dave the White Guy. 

It's when she returns home that she starts to feel strange, heaviness in her arms and nausea in her stomach. Her grandfather's settled on the couch. She pats his cheek, frowning, and when he doesn't immediately wake, sinks onto the floor. It's twilight and she has homework and her head is spinning and she feels like she's going to throw up, which would be both unfortunate and gross, and she can't walk and if she pukes she might not be able to crawl to the bathroom in time.

"Grandpa?" she says. 

He stirs and blinks at her. 

Her fingers tremble. She tries to get to her feet, but there's a strange rushing in her ears and weakness in her limbs. It feels a lot like some strain of the flu, some nasty and weird strain she can't identify. She takes a breath and tries to speak, but all that comes out is a small, pained sound. It's been barely ten minutes, she's never had any sickness descend on her this fast, but maybe there's a first time for everything? And maybe this will pass as quickly as it came, which would be nice, because she's awfully dizzy and her heart's doing this painful squeezing thing and something's wrong with her hands, they won't move right?

Her grandfather takes one look at her, rolls off the couch, and scoops her up in his arms. She doesn't have the energy to question his strength. She's trembling and light-headed and this is not a good feeling, this is really not a good feeling, this is the worst feeling ever and she wants to reach into her stomach or chest or brain and rip it out - 

"Grandpa, I don't feel so well," she says, and then she blacks out. 

*** 

She wakes unable to move. 

Sleep paralysis. Something she's experienced before. She breathes slowly through her nose and forces herself to keep calm, slowly wiggling her fingertips and her toes, regaining movement over the next few minutes through her extremities. 

When she sits up, her whole body hurts so badly she almost screams. It's not the sickness from yesterday, more a bone-deep soreness and tearing, like all of her muscles are ripped at once. 

She looks down and sees a blood-covered shirt. 

She thinks, oh god, I'm dying. 

" _Grandpa!_ " she screams. 

Nobody comes. 

Okay. She has to get to a phone. Call an ambulance. She rolls off the bed, biting her cheek at the pain in her muscles. Her insides are probably going to fall out or something equally grotesque, but she can't feel any wounds aside from that soreness. Is that normal? 

Well okay none of this morning is normal. 

She stumbles into the bathroom and rips her shirt off. There's blood stained over her skin, but she can't see any open wounds. For confirmation, she grabs a washcloth and dabs the crimson away, letting out a tiny noise of relief when she doesn't find any marks. 

Then horror. 

_What the fuck?_

Jade wads up the fabric and drops it into the trash can, wriggling out of the rest of her clothes and stepping into the shower. She runs the water as hot as possible, scrubbing shampoo into her hair, hyperventilating as the water runs red. 

Okay. What the fuck. What the fuck. 

She presses her forehead against the shower wall. There'd been the weird sickness last night and then. What? 

And where the hell is her grandfather? 

Fuck. 

Nothing makes sense, and Jade needs something to make sense, because her shirt is bloodstained and she doesn't have a scratch and she might have done something awful and her grandfather isn't home and she doesn't want to think. There was the sickness last night and then nothing - nothing. 

She takes a deep breath. The sickness last night. She must have been spiking some kind of fever. 

She probably still is. 

All of the blood is probably just a fever dream. She takes a deep breath and watches the last vestiges slide down the drain. Just a dream. A hallucination. Juuust a hallucination. Nothing wrong. If she's sick enough to hallucinate, she should really go back to bed and sleep and sleep.

But she's still shaking and she needs some semblance of normality, so when she steps out of the shower (pointedly not looking at the trashcan), she dresses in her school clothes and heads out. Just a fever dream. She'll come home and there will be no blood anywhere and everything will be fine. 

She's lightheaded again. 

John meets her at the bus stop, chattering about some TV program that was on last night. He stops, though, when he gets a good look at her face. "Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine." 

"No offense, but you look like you are going to fall into the road and get hit by a car. You're sort of weaving back and forth. Are you drunk?" 

"Of course not!" Jade manages a giggle. "Just a little sick." 

"Aaand why are you going to school?" 

"Because I have already missed a day earlier. Duh." 

John wrinkles his nose, but all he says is, "You're dumb." 

To her own surprise, she makes it through the day with minimal damage. Until English, where they are reading a short story about some doctor who killed his patients and ate them. Mr. Nitram has a teacher orgasm over the description, and Jade has to run to the trash can to throw up. 

"I'm sorry - sorry, I've been feeling - sorry, I - " She's swaying again. "Can I go to the nurse?" 

"I'll take her," Dave says, shooting up so fast his chair flips over. 

"Sure you don't just want to get out of class, Mr. Strider?" 

"I'll take her," he repeats. 

Mr. Nitram just waves his hand, evidently not wanting to deal with the risk of any more puke. 

She still doesn't trust Dave worth a dime, but when they reach the hallway she's grateful for someone to lean on. Even if he smells really fucking weird. 

"Are you wearing some kind of axe body spray? It's awful." 

"No," he says. 

"You are. Oh my god. You are such a white boy." 

He snorts. 

"Okay," she says, "I know you're new, so it makes sense that you would get us lost, but we just passed the turnoff for the nurse." 

"I know. You don't need the nurse." He ducks into a staff bathroom, tugging her behind him and flicking on the light. 

She wrenches her arm out of his grasp and bolts for the door. "I'm not so sick I can't scream or punch your fucking nose in, you creepy motherfucker." 

"No, no, Jesus, I'm not going to hurt you. Please stay. You can hardly stand up." 

"I am going to the nurse." She takes a step out. 

"There was blood on you this morning, wasn't there?" 

Jade freezes and turns back, nearly mechanical. "What?" 

"When you woke up. There was blood on you. Wasn't there?" 

"I." The answer's written plainly on her face, but she still tries to save herself. "You're stalking me?" 

"No. But I know what's happening to you." 

She opens her mouth, but no sound comes out. 

Dave holds out his hands in a gesture of peace, taking a step back as though to prove he isn't a threat. "I don't want to hurt you or anything, I swear. I know you don't like me. I'll stay right here and you can stay right over there by your escape hatch - I just want to talk, okay?" 

Jade swallows and closes the door. 

"Tell me what's going on."


	6. chapter five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a timely update? unheard of!

Dave stays against the wall, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he considers. "Okay, look. There's a lot to say, so I'm just going to cover the bare minimum for now, because otherwise we'll be here for the rest of the school day and I'll get in trouble for cutting class." 

Jade rolls her eyes. "Like you care." 

"I don't want to get stuck in detention, thanks." 

"Just tell me what's going on!" 

"All right, but we have to skip the 'ha ha, funny joke, Dave' and 'you're crazy!' and 'noooo this isn't happening' shit. Because that's how it always goes down in the movies and frankly, I don't have the patience for it." 

"Dave, I woke up covered in blood and I don't have a scratch on me. This is either a fever dream or something really weird is going on, so just spill." 

"How much do you know about your girlfriend?" 

Jade wrinkles her nose. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean the shit she and her mom get up to in the dead of night." 

Her nose wrinkles further. "If I had no idea what you were talking about, my mind would be jumping to some really gross places right now." 

"That's not my fault. And you do know what I'm talking about?" 

"I think so. But if I'm wrong then I do not want to say it out loud and then have you be like, 'What?' and me be like, 'What?'" 

Dave dramatically swoons onto the bathroom floor. "Say it. Out loud." 

She finally relaxes a little, moving over and nudging him with the toe of her sneaker, giving a dramatic flourish of her own. "Vampire." 

He props himself up on his elbow. "What?" 

"See?" She throws her hands up in the air. 

"I'm kiddin', I'm kiddin'. Yeah. She slaughters vampires. Very rude." 

"And this is relevant to me how?" 

"There are monsters besides vampires. Has she told you that?" 

"No?" 

"Man." He sits up, brushing off his shirt. "She's probably told you so many lies, Jesus Christ." 

"You're still not answering my question, you obnoxious cryptic fuckweasel!" she says, actually stamping her foot from frustration. 

"You're a werewolf." 

He stands and meets her eyes through his shades, waiting with bated breath to see how she takes the words. No use beating around the bush, really. As much as he'd love to draw this out in the most dramatic way possible (not really), acting out every cliché horror movie scene is much more up Bro's alley than his. 

Jade goes very still. Slowly, she folds her arms, and then tilts her head to the side. 

"Okay," she says. 

Well, that wasn't what he was expecting. 

"Okay? Just okay?" 

"Well, I mean, my first reactions are all 'ha ha, funny joke, Dave' and 'you're crazy!' and 'noooo this isn't happening,' and apparently I am not allowed to say any of those." 

"So just. Okay." 

"Okay." She takes a step back and reaches for the doorknob. "I'm not trying to run away or anything, I just. I'm really not feeling well and this isn't helping. I think I need to go sit down in the nurse's office. Can you take me? And then after school, we can - we can meet up and talk about - I just feel like I'm going to faint." 

"Yeah, of course." He moves to her side and offers his shoulder to lean on, opening the door and stepping out of the bathroom. 

"By the way, you're not my first choice for conversation. But I have the feeling Rose is not a very good option." 

"Smart girl." He steers her down the hallway. "You can come to my apartment after school and we can talk." 

"I don't trust you quite that much. Sorry." 

"Shit, yeah, right. I wouldn't trust anyone who smelled like awful axe body spray to me either." He cracks a small smile when he's rewarded with her soft giggle. "Somewhere public, then." 

"The Starbucks on the east side of the park?" 

"Sure thing." 

"Can you just tell me one thing?" 

"What?" 

"Did I kill my grandpa?" 

"I highly doubt it." He pauses. "But it's possible." 

Her legs finally give out, and he catches her before she hits the ground. 

*** 

"Is Jade okay?" John asks Dave as they wait for the bus, backpacks slung over their shoulders. 

"I think so." He gives a nonchalant shrug and texts Bro, mind only half on the conversation. "She passed out on the way to the nurse and she had a fever, but given that the nurse did not run out of the room screaming, I'll assume she's not dying." 

The bus pulls up and opens its doors. Dave bolts on first so that he can get the back seat, slinging his backpack off to save a spot for John. 

John gives him an appreciative shoulder pat when he reaches the spot, settling down. "She was looking pretty sick this morning," he says, "but I figured she could handle it." 

"I'm sure she's fine." 

"Yeah." He's silent until the bus starts to move. "Hey, do you have any free time this week? Because I'm still seriously sucking at physics, and I usually ask Jade to tutor me because she's a freaky genius, but since she's a freaky genius half of what she says goes over my head and then we both get frustrated and yell at each other. Being friends with freaky geniuses is hard." 

"I'm not free today, but tomorrow, sure." 

"Oh, Rose is coming back tomorrow too! You guys can finally snark at each other face to face or whatever." 

"That'll be interesting." Dave makes a face and stares out the window at the passing buildings. "One question, though." 

"Yeah?" 

"Is this just an excuse to touch my butt?" 

"What?" 

"Jade told me you think my butt is cute. Or something." 

"That traitor!" 

Dave lets out a snort of laughter when John brings his backpack up to cover his face, cheeks and ears turning crimson. Jesus, teenage boys should not have the ability to be both adorable and hot. That shit should be fucking illegal. 

"I mean, if you do want to touch my butt, then I wouldn't mind. You have a pretty touchable butt too." 

"I hate everything." John slumps down in the seat, backpack still covering his face. 

Dave leans over and ruffles his hair, then slumps down with him. "You're like the cutest dude ever." 

"Don't even. I'm going to give Jade a stern talking-to." 

"I'd be happy to teach you physics. I'll shoot you a message tonight and we can figure shit out." 

"Okay." He finally lowers the backpack. 

The bus pulls up at Dave's stop. He wriggles over John's lap to reach the aisle, turning back to him before he leaves. "Still cute." 

John flips him the bird. 

*** 

He'd been a little worried Jade wouldn't show up, but she's there in a table by the corner, looking just slightly less shaky than before. Dave slides into the seat across from her and inhales the scent of her sweat and sickness, trying not to wince. 

"My grandpa's not home yet," she says. 

He really does wince then. "Is he your grandfather biologically?" 

"Yes." 

"Does he ever disappear? Periodically? Once a month?" 

"He goes on trips sometimes. I don't know!" She rubs her temples and makes a low, miserable sound. He's trying really hard not to feel pity, but he there's a pang where his heart used to beat anyway. 

"It's okay," he says. 

"Everything in my head is all mixed up," she says, waving her hands helplessly. "I don't understand anything that's happening - I don't understand any of this, I can't wrap my head around it. I need him to come home. I can't lose him on top of all of this. I can't." 

"I can't imagine how confusing this must be." He props his chin up on his hands, pressing his lips together. "Has anything ever been strange about your grandfather?" 

"I don't know... When I was about to black out he lifted me up like I weighed nothing. I don't know how he did it. Does that count?" 

"Yeah, that counts." 

"You think he's a werewolf too?" 

Dave glances behind him to make sure no one's listening, ears pricked. "Probably." 

"I haven't been attacked by any animals or anything, though." 

"It's genetic. Kind of rare nowadays, you guys have been pretty well weeded out. I guess there used to be a lot more of you." 

"Weeded out." 

"Yeah. By people like your girlfriend. Man, that's going to be an awkward relationship barrier." 

Jade makes another miserable sound. "Please don't." 

"Sorry," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. "That was a shit thing to say. My bad." 

She sighs. "What do you want?" 

"What?" 

"I know you have to want something from me, because there's no way you're telling me all of this out of the goodness of your heart. And it's freaking me out because right now you're the only one I've got who knows anything about any of this, and you know that, and you could use that to your advantage. So tell me what you want. Or what your plan is, or whatever." 

He blinks. "Jesus, you're perceptive." 

"So you do want something." 

"Protection." 

Now it's her turn to blink. "Protection? Can I make a condom joke?" 

"I'd judge you pretty hard." 

"Can't you get free condoms anyway?" 

"Judging you really hard." 

She stifles a giggle. "So you want protection. Protection from what?" 

"I think to explain that I'd better start at the beginning of all of this. And before I do that I should finish explaining what exactly is happening to you." 

"Okay. Explain away." 

"You wolf out every month on the full moon and massacre whatever unfortunate humans get in the way. Also animals. Also you shouldn't get sick every time it happens. I hear the first time is the worst. And I'm ninety-nine percent sure last night was the first time you've phased." 

"So I probably..." She lowers her voice. "I probably killed someone last night?" 

"Just assume it was an animal if you want to sleep at night," he replies with a shrug. 

"I'm not sure how much more of this I can take." 

"How about I distract you by telling you my story? Or at least, as much as I know of my story, which admittedly isn't all that much?" 

"Okay." 

He steeples his fingers. "I want to preface this with a disclaimer that you're probably going to freak out so please don't up and leave until I'm done." 

"I will try." 

"Is there any way we can do this somewhere slightly less public? Like in the park? I swear to god I'm not trying to pull anything. You're probably strong enough to rip my throat out anyway, even if you don't think you are." 

She's silent for a few seconds, and then she slowly nods. "Okay." 

A few minutes later they're situated under a tree, near enough to the road for her to be comfortable and secluded enough for him to talk without paranoia. 

"So I'm a vampire. In case you hadn't guessed." 

She nods. "I suspected." 

He tunes out the noise of the city around them and becomes hyperaware of her reactions, the blood thrumming under her skin and the breath in her chest, because he needs to get this right or he's royally screwed. Nothing about this is the manipulation his brother's instilled into him - most of this is pure survival instinct. 

Jade speaks again before he can continue. "I didn't expect vampires to seem so human with how Rose talks about them." 

"Rose is a little biased." 

"I'm aware. So you kill people, then?" 

"I've never killed anyone who didn't deserve to die." 

"Wow. A vigilante vampire. Original." 

"Shut up." He nudges her with his elbow. "I'll tell you one thing - hunting's much more exhilarating when you hate your prey. That's becoming a serious issue with Rose. I don't want to kill her, though." 

His fangs decide to make an appearance, cutting into his bottom lip. He wipes the blood away. "Fuck, sorry. I'm hungry." 

"Talking about hunting my girlfriend is not gaining you any points, buddy." 

"I can't help it. She's hot." 

Jade's hands are tangled in his shirt so fast he doesn't even see the movement. The next thing he knows, he's being shoved against the opposite side of the tree, out of sight of passersby on the street. She pushes him up the bark so it scrapes his back, wrapping a hand around his throat. His feet kick at empty air, breath wheezing out of his lungs, shades dangling half off his face. The light sears his eyes.

She's snarling, feral. "I swear to god if you hurt her I'll bury your ass alive in a coffin so deep in the ground that archaeologists will only unearth it six thousand years from now." 

"A little late for that," he chokes out. "I'm the one who shot her." 

She releases his throat and, as soon as he regains his footing, aims a swift kick at his crotch. 

He goes down hard, wheezing. 

She is a very overwhelming presence on top of him, pushing him into the ground. "Remember when you said you didn't want any trouble with me?" she says, pressing her knee into his stomach. "You're fucked. The next time I see you, I am going to shatter each of the bones in your hands individually, and then I'm going to rip off your dick and eat it for breakfast." 

"Would you at least let me explain?" 

"Nope!" She stands with a bright smile. "I'm going to fucking kill you. Bye!" 

"She had a gun pointed at me!" 

"Don't care!" Jade starts to skip in the other direction. "I'm going to kill you!" 

"Jade!" 

She stops and turns around, her hands clenched into fists. "Fuck you, Dave Strider," she says, and then she's off again.

Dave flops back into the grass with a quiet groan. 

Welp. 

That didn't go as planned.


	7. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dave and jade make a truce.  
> also jade's grandpa comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rose and dave were supposed to meet in this chapter, honest to god, but then there was some stuff i had to sort out and then by the time all that was done it was long. so. next chapter. i promise.

GG: roooose    
TT: Yes?    
GG: i have a question!!    
GG: about vampire hunting    
GG: and stuff    
TT: Okay? I'll try to answer.    
GG: ok its not really a question about vampire hunting so much as it is like...    
GG: a what if kind of thing?? :/    
TT: Sure. Shoot.    
GG: okay so lets say something super dramatic happens while youre hunting with your mom and she gets turned!! oh noooo    
GG: would you kill her?    
TT: We've actually talked about that.    
TT: My mother and I, I mean.    
TT: I'd put her down, yes.    
GG: because she wants you to?    
TT: Yeah.    
GG: okay well    
GG: what if like    
GG: lets say john gets turned right    
GG: would you kill him??    
TT: Jade.    
TT: Is something wrong?    
GG: no no! i was just musing earlier    
GG: because i know you are all about murdering icky bloodsuckers but what do you do if those icky bloodsuckers used to be your friends etcetc    
TT: He'd be a monster.    
TT: So as much as it would hurt, I'd like to think I would.    
GG: :(    
TT: I'm sorry. That probably sounds callous.    
TT: It's just, if you have to kill humans to survive, then I doubt you're any kind of creature who should survive in the first place.    
GG: oh    
GG: okay! good to know    
GG: um    
TT: Jade?    
GG: oh no, i forgot how much homework i have!!    
GG: gotta go! 

Jade's never been one to throw pity parties, but right now she's either going to cry or throw up or both. She logs out of Pesterchum and slams her laptop shut before crawling into bed and curling up under the covers, trying to stifle the sick sinking feeling that maybe Dave is right. 

There's no way to know who to trust anymore. 

The only guy who can explain things to her is a disgusting creep, her girlfriend probably wants to murder her, she might have murdered someone herself, and her grandfather's still missing. 

Just as she's about to give in and let the tears flow, the apartment door opens. 

Dare she hope? 

No. She grabs the baseball bat from under her bed just in case, figuring it's plausible enough for Dave to follow her home. But when she exits her bedroom, she finds herself staring into a pair of blessedly familiar green eyes and a shock of white hair. 

Unsure whether to scream or laugh or hug him or hit him first, she does the mature thing and bursts into tears. 

Her grandfather immediately catches her around the waist and pulls her to him, and she clings, arms wrapped around his shoulders, fingernails digging into his shirt like he'll fade away. 

"Where have you been?" she sobs. 

He's cooing softly, stroking her hair. "I'm so sorry, so sorry, didn't mean to leave you alone so long, so glad you're safe..." 

Taking a few deep breaths, she regains enough control to pull back and shove his chest. "I thought you were _dead!_ Where have you been?" 

"I'm so sorry," he says again. "It's a long story. Come sit down and I'll make you some hot chocolate." 

"I thought you were dead," she repeats. 

"I know. You've every right to be angry. Just come to the kitchen and let me explain." 

She lets out a long breath through her nose, wiping her eyes. "Okay. I'm pretty sure dogs aren't supposed to have chocolate, though." 

"You're not a dog," he says, reaching out to ruffle her hair. 

*** 

When they're both settled comfortably at the table with their respective mugs of hot chocolate, he starts. "How much do you know already?" 

_Everything a vampire told me_ , she thinks but doesn't say. No need to freak him out. 

"I am a giant bloodthirsty dog on the inside?" 

He smiles a little at that, bringing his cup to his lips and taking a sip. "Wolf, but yes." 

"Please explain." 

"I had thought perhaps the gene hadn't manifested in you. It's awfully late for you to be phasing for the first time." 

"So you decided to never warn me about the possibility I might turn into an aggressive inhuman beast every month? Thanks." She's trying really, really hard not to be pissed, but the stress creeps up on her, a heavy weight on her chest. 

"I'm so sorry. I wanted you to have a normal human life." 

"Well I guess that is not happening." Jade takes a sip of her hot chocolate to hide the way her bottom lip trembles. "Everything's a mess." 

"I'm here now. It's all right." 

"Please keep explaining." 

"I've been dealing with phasing for most of my life. At this point I've learned to control it to the point where I can generally slip out after you've gone to sleep. But when you came out looking so sick I knew what was happening and I knew I had to get you out of here." 

"Where did you take me?" 

"Usually I head toward the mountains, but there wasn't time for that. I brought you to the woods outside of the city." 

She takes another sip of the drink and stares down at the wood of the table, running her fingertips along to memorize the texture. The clock on the wall ticks as if to accentuate the sudden uncomfortable silence, a lump in the back of her throat. 

"There was blood on me when I woke up," she finally says. 

He shakes his head. "I'm near completely sure you haven't hurt anybody. There were a few animal carcasses around but I never found any human bodies, and there haven't been any news reports of killed hikers." 

She swallows and nods. "Okay." Another pause. "So where were you? I don't remember how I got back here but I had blood all over me and clothes on and stuff." 

"You must have wandered back in a daze and gotten redressed. A miracle you weren't seen, really. I searched for you for ages and was just about to turn back to look for you here when..." 

"When what?" 

"When a few unsavory characters ended up on my tail. Pun very much intended." 

She can't help giggling, and some of her tension eases. 

"So like the truest of rugged heroes, I led them as far from any places you may have been as possible. I'm so sorry it took me so long to return." 

Jade twirls a strand of hair around her finger, frowning. "I thought I might have killed you." 

"Oh please. It would take more than a wolf to do me in." 

He pushes his chair back and stands, bringing his mug over to the sink. 

"Grandpa?" 

"Yes?" 

"Can you remember what happens while you're a wolf?" 

He doesn't look at her, rinsing out the cup. "No. But I can control the onslaught of the change. And move to areas where I'll do less damage." 

"Oh." Her frown deepens. "I was just thinking that I would probably not mind being a wolf if I could actually remember it happening. But I don't really like this whole out of control once a month deal." 

"You'll be all right. I'll help you." 

"Thanks." 

She briefly considers telling him about Rose or Dave and then bites down on the words. Though in the rational part of her mind she knows telling an adult is the best course of action, she's also not sure how he'll react. 

Basically all she has to do is keep Rose from finding out and restrain herself from ripping Dave's head off during the school day. Great! 

"I love you, Grandpa," she says instead. 

"I love you too." 

*** 

Dave skips the bus ride in the morning and has Bro take him to school instead, because being in close proximity to both Rose andJade on a moving vehicle sounds like the worst idea in the history of terrible ideas. He does shoot her a message on Pesterchum, though, chewing on the inside of his cheek. 

TG: going to be a little late for school but i have all my shit for the project    
TG: including stunning works of art    
TG: a la my perfect webcomic    
TG: please look up sweet bro and hella jeff at some point its basically the most stunning shit ive ever come up with    
TG: the characterization is flawless the art is dynamic and every comic has ten million levels    
TT: I am on the bus. And looking up your webcomic, by the way.    
TG: oh hey I didn’t think you actually would    
TT: Hold on. Writing a literary analysis.    
TG: omfg    
TT: The quality of the art may be considered subjective from a more cynical critic, but I can see the truth that lies underneath. Endless symbolism is trapped within these shitty compressed JPEG pictures. With each level of pixellated goo, we delve deeper into the mess that is humanity itself. The art style is compelling without being heavy-handed, teaching us about the indoctrination of society and the media, the truth of our peers and the world we live in. We are the two men with the strangely homoerotic subtext watching the world bend and shift around us. They are us.    
TT: That's not even touching on the storyline itself, which brings a tear to my eye. I have only read one strip thus far and have yet to continue because I needed to express my adoration of your brilliance. The humor is well-crafted and yet underneath all of this strange bullshit lies a stronger moral... a much darker reminder. In a clear callback to the Greek myth of Sisyphus, our intrepid heroes encounter a flight of symbolic stairs. "I told you about stairs," one whispers in a hushed voice. I told you about the end punishment for your trickery. Why did you never listen to me, brother? Why? "I warned you, dog." A single tear falls down his cheek. He is doomed to watch his comrade eternally fall down stairs, forever and always. It keeps happening. The stairs also represent our society and the futility of the human race and existence. It keeps happening, Dave. It keeps happening.    
TT: Was that satisfactory?    
TG: i dunno i think it was pretty accurate but if i wanted a callback to sisyphus i wouldve put a boulder in there somewhere    
TG: some indiana jones shit about eternally falling down stairs followed by a boulder that occasionally rolls over you    
TG: the true punishment for not heeding warnings    
TG: a tragedy in six panels    
TT: Hmm. Perhaps it was a subconscious callback created by a Freudian desire to prove your own worth to your parents. To roll your own boulder up the hill, so to speak.    
TG: bs    
TG: i dont even have parents    
TT: Well, this mystery of your psyche becomes more Freudian by the second.    
TT: Tell me, Dave, how do you feel about having no strong authority figures in your life?    
TG: basically fucking awesome    
TT: Me too.    
TG: are you also a sad parentless child    
TG: because we could totally bond    
TT: No, but my mother has a rather liberal parenting style.    
TT: Anyway, I have to go. The bus just pulled up to school. I'll talk to you later.    
TG: sure thing 

Dave puts his phone away, thinking it's a shame she tried to kill him, because otherwise they could probably be pretty good friends. 

He manages to avoid Rose for the first few classes, getting ready for the inevitable confrontation. Damn, he hopes she's not crazy enough to bring weapons to class. 

"Psst," someone hisses behind him as he walks down the hallway toward English. "Dave. Dave." 

He turns to find Jade and automatically puts up his hands in a gesture of peace. "Easy." 

"Much as I'd like to I am not about to attack you. Come here." She darts forward and tugs on the sleeve of his shirt, dragging him under one of the stairwells. After they're well hidden from most of the people passing, she speaks again. "What exactly do you want from Rose?" 

He shrugs. "Nothing, honest. I mean, I want to mess with her. But other than that, nothing." 

"You're not going to kill her?" 

"Nah. If I wanted her dead I could've killed her in the park. I mean, I probably wouldn't even have shot her except that I needed to distract her mom." 

Jade worries at her bottom lip. "I don't know if I believe that." 

"Well, it doesn't really matter. Clearly you want something. So what's up?" 

"My grandpa came home yesterday." 

"Oh sweet. So he's okay?" 

"Yeah. Also Rose wants to kill me." 

"Aw man." Dave leans against the wall. The bell rings, signaling that both of them are late to their next class. "You told her?" 

"No. But I am still ninety-five percent sure." 

"Shit sucks. Sorry." 

Jade looks down at her hands, taking a deep breath. "So anyway, I figured I'd offer a very sternly laid out truce. You don't get a say in it, by the way, since I owe you less than nothing." 

He folds his arms. "I'm listening." 

"We are not friends. I think you're dangerous. If you harm any of my friends, particularly Rose or John, I will rip you apart. You're going to keep my secret. As long as you stick to all of that, I'll convince Rose not to kill you, because I am going to give you a tiny benefit of the doubt. But don't go thinking I'll hesitate to murder you if you fuck up, because I won't, because we are definitely not friends. We are just a couple of monsters who temporarily have each other's backs because life is complicated and we do not want to die. Got it?" 

He's a little taken aback by the sureness in her voice, but he nods. Jade Harley is not someone he wants to mess with. "Yeah. Sounds good to me." 

She holds out her hand. He grasps her fingers in the quickest shake of all time, pulling back before she has a chance to rip his arm off. 

"Okay. Then we should go. Don't need detention on top of a murderous girlfriend." 

Great.

Dave takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders, and heads toward the English classroom.


	8. chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rose and dave finally meet.

Rose is sitting comfortably with her crutches propped up against the desk, Mr. Nitram hovering over her to take her make-up work. Everything is perfectly in order, because even if she sucks at keeping her folders organized, like hell is she going to hold up class and have everyone stare at her. 

Everyone else continues chitchatting in the few seconds they have before class starts, and her back is to the door, so she hardly even registers the entrance of her late peers until Mr. Nitram looks up and says, "You're late." 

And she's too busy rooting through her folder for a study guide that's mysteriously disappeared to focus even on that, until a horribly familiar voice says, "Sorry. Got distracted taking a piss." 

"Language." 

Her head whips over her shoulder so fast that her neck cricks, but she's a little too busy panicking to care. Fingers twitch toward her right side, where her gun should be holstered, but of course it's not there. Of course. And Jade's right in front of the vampire, and in the two seconds it would take her to draw a weapon it could have ripped her throat out, and oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god. 

Jade settles in the seat behind her, raising her eyebrows. The bloodsucker catches Rose's eye, grins, and flops down at a desk. 

"Here," she says, finally handing Mr. Nitram the sheaf of papers. Her voice seems to come from far away, blood rushing in his ears. He's none the wiser, moving to set them down at his desk and start the class. 

Fuck. Okay. She has to think. To strategize. 

What the fuck is it doing here? 

To her surprise, it's not even her lack of weapons that makes the terror so complete. It's the fact that it's in close proximity to her friends, close enough to kill them with just a touch or a lean and oh _fuck_. Okay. Okay. 

Clearly he's supposed to be here. Clearly he's not some kind of intruder. Enrolled in school? Why...? 

Dave. 

Fuck. Fuck. That's Dave. She's been talking to the motherfucker this whole time. 

She can't breathe. 

For a moment she considers claiming her leg hurts, escaping to the nurse. Except that would mean leaving John and Jade alone in a room with this monster, and clearly this has happened before, but every instinct in her screams. She's sitting in a classroom with a murderer and she can't stake him and she can't even fucking move without pain shooting through her whole body. 

Fuck. 

"Rose," Jade whispers. 

"Mmm?" 

Jade leans forward and grasps her hand quickly, a reassuring gesture. "He won't hurt anyone." 

Jade - 

Oh. 

_Let's say John gets turned, right? Would you kill him?_

"Jade," she says. 

"We have made a deal. He won't hurt anyone." 

Well, that's not making her feel better. 

She rips out a sheet of notebook paper, taking out a purple gel pen and scrawling across. 

 

If you did anything to put yourself in danger, I'm going to eat your liver. And then smooch you and be concerned. But mostly eat your liver. 

 

Jade rolls her eyes and writes a reply in her own green pen. 

 

of course im not in danger!! i am just very good at being persuasive! 

Has he bitten you? 

ew no! gross :( 

Are you sure you're not in danger? Neither is John?    
...Does John know? 

not in danger    
and i do not know... i havent told him! 

Rose relaxes the tiniest bit, shoving the paper into the recesses of her backpack to make sure nobody ever finds it. Granted anybody who stumbled upon it would likely think they were playing some kind of strange RPG, but the risk is still there. 

The class period is a long one, with her glancing over her shoulder every few seconds to make sure the bloodsucker hasn't moved. It's looking in her direction each time, although she can't meet its eyes because of the damn shades. 

When the bell rings, she can't get up fast enough, though she can't bolt because of her fucking leg. Jade helps her to her feet, standing between her and the vampire, folding her arms. Meanwhile John exits the room, which is good, because there's about to be some kind of confrontation and Rose does not want him in the middle of it. 

The bloodsucker saunters over cool as can be, and Rose feels the most exquisite rush of hatred possible. Her lip curls. 

"So I'm Dave," it says, holding out a hand. 

She glares and doesn't move an inch, just barely keeping back a snarl. 

"Jeez. Frosty." 

"You're dead," she says. "You're dead fucking meat." 

"Hey, hey," Jade says, holding out her hands, "nobody is going to kill anybody, okay? Sheesh! We are all either going to ignore each other or punch each other in the faces. But there will be no killing." 

Rose slings on her backpack and hooks the crutches under her arms, limping in the other direction. "It's dead meat." 

She refuses to have any sort of conversation, but it has the audacity to take the bus home. So as long as they're in close proximity to each other, she figures she might as well intimidate it a little. After all, it's dead meat. She shouldn't be the only frightened one here. 

"Hello, Dave," she says, sugar-sweet, perching next to him. 

It stiffens. 

"Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you on the bus! I'm just strongly thinking about doing it as soon as you step off. You have until then to beg for your life." She smiles and pats its shoulder. 

"You didn't have to be so scared in class," it says, voice softer than she'd expected. "I was expecting you to be pissed and also terrifying. But you reeked of fear." 

"Don't tell me you feel guilty." 

It frowns. "I don't" - 

But they're interrupted by John. "Hey Rose? Can I sit here?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Dave and I are hanging out after school." 

She pales. "You're what?" 

He grins and nudges her. "Don't get all jealous. You're still my best friend. He's just tutoring me in physics." 

"I." 

"It's cool," Dave says. "She can chill here. It's not a big deal." 

"Okay." John rolls his eyes and picks a seat a few rows up, miraculously out of earshot. 

"You just did it again." 

Rose pinches the bridge of her nose. "I did what?" 

"The fear thing." Dave rubs the back of his neck. "You're not scared for you, are you? You're scared I'm going to hurt the people you love." 

"Wouldn't you be?" 

"Obviously. You're just making it hard not to like you." 

She swallows. "I understand that you're getting some great pleasure out of stalking me, but this is - this is - you're ripping my footing completely out from under me. In more ways than one. I know that's likely your goal. But if you continue I'm going to kill you." 

"You would kill me regardless." It draws its knees to its chest, somehow folding itself into the tiny space between the seats. "I'm not going to hurt your friends. I swear." 

"Then what are you doing enrolling in school? _My_ school?" 

"Getting an education?" 

"Don't treat me like I'm stupid. This isn't some kind of unfortunate coincidence." 

"I don't know." 

"You're doing a terrible job of convincing me not to kill you." 

"I really don't know." Dave's tongue flicks out. "I'm not withholding information or anything, I just haven't been told." 

"Told? By who?" 

"My brother." 

"The one who's training you?" 

"You could say that." A quiet sigh. "I think he's trying to get me used to living around hunters." 

"It sounds like he's trying to get you killed." 

"He wouldn't do that." 

"Saddled with a young charge when he could operate better alone? Brings said young charge into a city with experienced hunters? Puts him right in the open with them? It sounds an awful lot like he's looking for a way to get rid of you and you're just too blindly trusting to believe it." 

Dave's hands curl into fists. A wicked smile touches Rose's lips. 

"He wouldn't do that." 

"If you ask me, it sounds like he's bored of you and looking for a dumping ground. But don't believe me if you don't want to." 

A low growl starts in the back of its throat. 

"So what I've gathered so far is that killing you would be protecting me and my friends as well as doing your brother a favor. You have no reason to live aside from tearing apart the lives of your victims' families and being a pathetic parasite. Yet you still continue to function. Funny how that works, isn't it?" 

Dave's mouth twists, and she feels a vindictive sort of pleasure in the knowledge that her words hurt. 

"Do you simply enjoy knowing that all you're capable of in life is feeding off of other people's trust and blood until they inevitably become sick of you and throw you away? I can't imagine that's a nice feeling, although perhaps your values change after you become a demon." 

"I could ask the sssame thing of you." Fangs poke out from beneath its bottom lip, covered immediately by a hand. 

"Excuse me?" 

"Do you enjoy lying to everyone you love, knowing that you could very well lose their trussst forever?" 

"If I save lives, absolutely." 

A wheezing, gravelly laugh. "You're so fucked up. Just like me." 

"I don't kill the innocent." 

"Neither do I." 

She lets out a derisive snort. "Don't tell me, you only kill serial killers. Murderers. Is there an overabundance of them in the city? Oh, what a savior you are indeed, stalking the alleys for the unworthy" - 

"Child abusers." 

Rose blinks, thrown completely off track for the first time. "What?" 

"If you hurt kids, you're the most vile scum on the face of the earth and I'll happily rip you limb from limb. The hunt is much more exhilarating when you're crushing the bones and ripping out the blood of someone disgusting. I'm sure you can relate." 

"I hunt monsters." 

"Don't pretend humans can't be monsters." 

"You've never killed anyone innocent?" 

"No. God no." 

"Hmm." She considers for a moment. "Why didn't you kill me in the park?" 

"I don't want you dead." 

"Even though I just spent the last five minutes or so tormenting you?"

"I sort of hate your guts, yeah. But I don't want you dead."

"Then what do you want from me?" 

"To coexist, I guess. To live in a somewhat uneasy peace. I prove not all of us 'parasites' are as heinous as you think, and you prove you can stick to your word." 

"I struggle to believe you don't have a hidden agenda." 

"Like I said, I'm just doing what my bro wants. I trust him." It - _he_ , she grudgingly thinks - shrugs and gets to his feet as the bus pulls up at his stop, climbing over her lap. "Are you going to tell your mom you saw me?" 

"No. I'm going to give you a chance. But mark my words, if this is the wrong decision - if you harm John or Jade - not only will I kill you, but I will torture you so slowly you'll wish you could die." 

"That's a pleasant thought. Good thing I'm not going to hurt them. Jade knows what I am, by the way." 

"I know." 

"She threatened to kill me too." 

"Good girl. Have fun with John, I suppose. I have my eye on you." 

He steps off the bus, blowing her a kiss, and she sighs and wishes she'd killed him in the damn park.


	9. chapter eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dave fucks up  
> (when does dave ever not fuck up)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it seems i took another impromptu hiatus. i am very very very sorry. i should be back now. hopefully

"This is a pretty expensive section of town," John observes, trailing behind Dave. 

"Bro owns a porn empire. We're pretty well-to-do. Praise Jesus for the desires of sweaty dudebros with their hands around their dicks." Dave steps inside, holding open the door to let John in. Inside seems pretty normal - no posh doormen or anything. Just a vaguely suspicious guy sitting at the front desk who reminds John of the guy from iCarly. "We've got the penthouse. Roof access and everything, it's pretty sweet. Speaking of Bro, by the way, I dunno if he's home or not, but please ignore anything he says if he's around." 

"Is he one of those super embarrassing parents?" 

"I don't know if 'parent' is the right term." Dave snorts and slides into the elevator, tugging John by the sleeve. "But I mean, the dude is made of innuendo. I guarantee he will ask if we're banging." 

John wrinkles his nose, deciding two can play at this game. "So we tell him that we have bought several packs of extra-large condoms and he has nothin' to worry about." 

"Ah yes. The thought of your nasty-ass throbbing sausage buried in my hot dog buns has me all riled up." 

"As well it should. I am quite a catch. My sausage is made of premium beef." 

"Okay, you did not need to extend the barbecue metaphor." 

John struts out of the elevator when it opens, throwing in a hip wiggle for good measure. It is probably the gayest thing he's done in his entire life. He's rewarded by a snort of laughter as Dave follows behind, entering the apartment. 

There's a collection of weaponry on the wall and about ten million butt puppets flooding the living room and kitchen space. John doesn't even ask, although he does pick one of the puppets up and inspect it. A long dong schnozz and a foam ass that he's pretty sure you can fist. Okay.

"My room should be free of the heathen smuppets," Dave says, "unless Bro's decided to make my life a living hell, which wouldn't surprise me all that much." 

John turns just in time to see Dave cock his head to the side and _sniff_. "Nah, he's not home." 

"You're fucking weird. Where's your bedroom? I mean, not that I'm not totally enthused by the thought of studying in a pile of, uh, smuppets. But." 

"Yeah, I feel you." Dave grabs his sleeve again and drags him down the short hallway, tugging him into a room. This is much more normal - posters and a laptop and TV, turntables and other electronic equipment for which John has no name. 

"You're into music?" he says, inclining his head toward the turntables. 

"You have no idea." Dave stretches and flops backward across his mattress, patting the spot next to him. 

John falls onto his stomach beside Dave, burying his face into the sheets with a groan. "Any other hobbies?" 

"Blogging? Masturbating? Dissecting roadkill?" 

"Delicious." He sits up and shrugs off his backpack, unzipping it. 

"Rapping, parkour, aceing tests without studying for them, making people question their sexuality..." 

"How are you even real," John interrupts, pulling out his physics book. 

"I used to own a human fetus named George but then one of the neighbors threatened to call the cops." 

"Holy shit. Where did you - you know what, never mind, I don't want to know. Also, where did you even come from? Were you on some advanced track at your old school or something? Or did you just read ahead in the textbook like a huge fuckin' nerd?" 

"I've homeschooled for a while. Bro doesn't like parent teacher conferences. Plus I cannot resist more of an opportunity to use the internet and ignore any form of a social life whatsoever." Dave grins, propping himself up on his elbows. "Chicago, though. Originally from Dallas. I've moved around a lot." 

"Huh." John turns the pages of the textbook, absently looking for the lesson they're on. "Does owning a porn empire require a lot of travel or something?" 

"Nah. Bro just gets restless." He shrugs and sits up fully, looking over John's shoulder. 

"That must get lonely." 

"Not really. Striders against the world. It's rad." 

"If you say so, dude." John flips one more page and then shuts the book. "You know what? I've just decided I don't feel like doing physics right now." 

"Thank god." 

He slips the book back into his pack and sits crosslegged. "Instead we are going to Further Our Friendship." 

"Oh no. This is so much worse. Bring the physics back, oh nooooo" - 

"Shut up, asshole." John swats his arm. 

"You're just doing this to get into my pants. Gotta get past the friendship phase before you can be makin' passes at my great ass, I see how it is" - 

He covers Dave's mouth with a hand. "Shh. Shhhhh." 

"Mmph." 

"Yes," John deadpans. "I'm speeding up the friendship process just in case you guys decide to move and I'm left in the dust. Whatever will I do without getting to touch your butt." 

"You can touch my butt if you want," Dave says once he finally removes his hand. "I'm not complainin'." 

"See, the problem is I can't tell when you're serious and when you're joking. Anyway. We're still Furthering Our Friendship." 

"How are we supposed to do that?" 

"I dunno? Two person Truth-or-Dare?" 

"Aw hell no. God knows you'd come up with some sick shit to do with the smuppets, and I got way too many tragic soul secrets up in my noggin to say truth." 

"Tragic soul secrets." 

"Yeah. Everyone has tragic soul secrets." 

"Hmm." John makes a big show of thinking. "When I was seven I had this goldfish, and I was supposed to feed it, but I kept forgetting, and then the goldfish died. And I didn't want my dad to find out and yell at me, so I threw the goldfish out the window for the neighbor's cat to eat. And my dad asked me where the goldfish went, and I told him that it must have flown away because I didn't do anything with it. At the time it seemed like a good alibi, but looking back I think he probably didn't believe me." 

"That poor goddamn goldfish. Little kids shouldn't have any pets ever." 

"Have you ever had pets?" 

"I lived outside San Francisco for a while and made friends with like three stray cats. I gave them food and they'd rub their heads on me and purr and get their fleas everywhere and shit. I don't even usually like cats but they were cute. Had to leave 'em behind when we moved, though." 

"That must've been sad." 

"I was like ten. I didn't care." He shrugs, then starts as the door opens. "That's Bro." 

"Yo, kid," someone calls from down the hallway, "are you shacking up with someone?" 

"Yes," Dave calls back in the flattest deadpan John's ever heard. "We're in the middle of sex right at this very second. Well, John is. I'm just kind of sitting back and letting him get to wo - OW!" 

"Ow, motherfuck." John rubs his hand. "You weren't supposed to have abs, asshole." 

"You weren't supposed to punch me in the gut!" 

"You weren't supposed to" - 

"Yes, always nice to see lovers quarrel." 

John rolls over and stares at the door, where he comes eyes-to-shades with the youngest parental figure he's ever seen in his entire life. Honestly he'd peg the dude at about twenty-five. He and Dave look alike, though. Same pallor, vaguely the same shaped face. 

"He's like thirty seconds older than you," he hisses to Dave. 

"Well, that's awfully kind of you. Nice to meet you too, Dave's New Boy Toy." 

"John." 

"Yeah, see, I'm not going to bother to remember that. You're either Boy Toy or Chew Toy to me." 

"Fantastic. Then you're Porn Star Who's Probably Involved In The Mob to me." 

Porn Star Who's Probably Involved In The Mob snorts. "I like you. Don't break Dave's heart or I'll rip your throat out. Okay bye." He closes the door, and after a few moments John hears the low murmuring sound of the TV in the living room. 

"That was weird," he says. 

"I warned you." 

"Seriously, he's like thirty seconds older than you." 

"The camera keeps him young, I guess." Dave feigns a wide yawn. "Want to hook up?" 

"Once again, I can't tell if you're serious or not." 

"I am dead serious. Although let's get one thing straight - I'm not pulling any Romeo and Juliet bullshit on your ass. This ain't some swooning love confession after I've just spent the whole first act pining over some other hot catch. This is just me innocently saying that we should make out a little, since we are both super attractive guys and it would be a crime for us not to touch butts at some point - " 

John kisses him lightly on the mouth to shut him up. 

. . .

. . .

. . .

It doesn't work. 

" - and also we're not going to pull any romantic comedy shit, okay, this does not have to end with us being head over heels for - " 

"Dave. Shhhh." 

"Mmm, okay." 

Dave closes his eyes, and John grins and cups the nape of his neck, brushing at the fine hairs along the top of his spine. He's rewarded by a shiver and a soft sound, so he tugs Dave on top of him and wraps his other arm around his waist. Fingertips play at the hem of Dave's shirt, pulling at the fabric. 

"J-just kissing, I don't know if I can" - 

"Nothing you don't want," John says, a flush rising to his cheeks. He pulls away slightly, grinning. "Also, for a guy who talks so much about sex, you sure do get flustered easily." 

"Shut up." 

Dave kisses him again. John traces his tongue over the other boy's lips, tasting his skin. Copper and apples and sweat, he thinks. And Dave's a warm and pleasant weight on his chest, and holy shit, he's making out with this guy he just met. He's also surprisingly okay with this. Casual hookups should be way more common than they are. What a damn shame that people don't make out for no reason and holy shit Dave's hips just did some totally unfair Movement Thing.

Dave separates his mouth from John's and kisses down over the line of his jaw, sucking light marks into his skin. He pauses at the hollow just behind John's ear and lets out a breath that's half-sigh, half-moan, before he continues his path downward, leaving burning trails in his wake. John tilts his head back to allow Dave better access, winding his fingers into the strands of his soft hair, panting for breath.

And that's when it happens. 

"Ow, what the fuck" - 

John yanks on Dave's hair and he pulls away, mouth smeared with blood, a hand flying up to cover the evidence. 

But not before John sees the fangs.


	10. chapter nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> john can't take anything seriously

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will i ever write serious dialogue  
> we just don't know

"Motherfuck." 

Approximately two eternal seconds pass before Dave's brother is in the room, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and yanking him back by the collar. Dave yelps and scrabbles at Bro's hold, giving John a front row seat to the bloodstain concert on his mouth. In a daze, John thinks that Dave could probably have passed the crimson off as randomly appearing cherry lip gloss. Only after he starts snickering at the thought of Dave wearing lip gloss does he remember he's supposed to be freaking out. 

"You. Get me the first aid kit from the kitchen. And then take a walk to cool the fuck off." Bro shoves Dave in the direction of the door. 

"Hmmm." John flops back on the bed and stares at the ceiling. "So if you're getting the first aid kit, does that mean you're not going to feast on my flesh? Also I am not going to dramatically die on your floor? Or maybe you're just lulling me into a false sense of security like a pride of hungry lions, which would be rude." 

"Sit back up, nimrod, let me get a look at the bite." 

When John doesn't move, Bro hoists him up by digging far-too-strong fingers into his shoulder and dragging him into position. 

"I'm actually pretty calm right now," John says as Bro tilts his head back, feeling faintly woozy. "I'm not sure what that means. I might be dreaming, although the whole searing pain in my neck thing is kind of killing that theory." 

"Jesus fuck, stop talking." 

"I thought vampires couldn't say Jesus." 

"Jesus was the kind of peace lovin' angry socialist Middle Eastern dude everyone should aspire to be. Why wouldn't I talk about him." Bro probes at the bite. "He didn't hit any arteries or nothin'. You should be good, so stop being a fuckin' drama queen." 

"Okay, I'm not sure what you want me to do. I think I'm taking this pretty well, all things considered. I mean I could be screaming and running for the door." 

"Pretty sure you're just in shock, kiddo." 

Dave reappears with the kit and a breathless, "Sorry, couldn't find it, took a minute, I was" - 

"Go take a walk, you little shit." 

He vanishes again without another word. Belatedly John thinks to call him back, since he finds Dave slightly less creepy than the porn star vamp chilling in front of him. But he's already gone, off to scout the city and possibly bite some other poor sucker to sate his hunger. John doesn't want to think too hard about what 'taking a walk' entails.

Bro patches him up in silence, rubbing antiseptic over the wounds - a process that involves a lot of clawing and "ARE YOU TRYING TO MURDER ME" - and then presses a swatch of gauze over John's skin. 

"So," he says, sitting back on his heels. "I am definitely not a vampire. Neither is Dave. That would be stupid since vampires don't exist. We just have a strange genetic disorder involving retractable fangs that come out whenever we get a boner. It's a real problem. Dentist visits are a goddamn nightmare." 

"You're not even trying." 

"No, I am not." 

"Is this one of those 'if I tell you, I have to kill you' things?" 

"Nah. Too messy." Bro packs up the rest of the first aid supplies without giving him a second glance. "A hell of a lot of people know that this was the last place you went, and I'm not ready to uproot us again quite yet." 

"So that's why you move around so much. You're a serial killer." 

"I am a goddamn gentleman. Relax." 

"Okay, well so far I'm kind of doubting that, considering all I actually know about you is that you're a porn star and also a vampire potential serial killer. Wow. Do you think I can get drunk on cough syrup? I could really use some cough syrup right now." 

"God, you're an idiot. I'm gonna wait for Dave to get home and then do a quick rundown of the 'The Paranormal Is Real, Don't Tell' talk. Actually that was basically it. That was the entire talk. The paranormal is real. Don't tell. Glad we had this discussion." 

John gingerly touches the bandage on his neck. The fabric is warm under his fingertips, and he shivers as a thought hits him, feeling the first real trickle of fear slide down his spine. 

"Does this mean I'm going to turn into a vampire? Because I mean, as cool as immortality would be, I will be super pissed if I get carded at bars for the rest of my life. I haven't hit my second puberty yet. I can't turn into a vampire until I'm super hot at like, twenty-five." 

Bro doesn't reply except to hum under his breath. After a few seconds, John realizes it's to the tune of How Could This Happen To Me. 

"Dude." 

"No, you're not going to turn into a vampire." Bro pulls back. For a moment, he looks like he's going to head back out the door, leaving John a window to climb out the fire escape. Instead he lays facedown on Dave's floor, groaning into the carpet. "Why did Dave have to hook up with the most annoying fucker this side of the Mississippi." 

"So how does someone turn into a vampire?" 

"That's enough questions for today." He rolls onto his back. "I am sorry about you getting chomped on, though. Dave and I will have a serious talk about not making out with people when you're hungry. He hasn't been turned very long. Doesn't quite have a handle on everything yet." 

"Like a newborn from Twilight?" 

"Oh my GOD. I'm leaving." 

"Why don't you sparkle." 

"This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life." 

"Aren't vampires supposed to be super hot? Why aren't you hot?" 

Bro gets to his feet and really does head for the door this time, muttering under his breath. "Be a terrifying vampire, Dirk, be a badass, Dirk, you will clearly never get backsassed by some little shit with a wet dick, Dirk..." 

John pulls on his backpack and eyes the window. Considering he's in the apartment of a pair of immortal possible serial killers, the smartest idea would be to get the fuck out of dodge. But right now he's not feeling particularly threatened, and he's enjoying himself a lot more than he should. 

So he follows Bro out to the living room. 

"Do you create puppet porn to mask your fears about possible inadequacies with your unchanging body? I'm pretty sure that's what Rose would say." 

Bro stops dead (heh) and turns back toward him. In an instant, his posture's shifted into something else, something slightly less human. John swallows and thinks maybe he should have gone for the window. 

"You know Rose." 

"Um? Yes? How do you... fuck. Motherfuck. Motherfuck! Fuck. She's totally a vampire too. Oh my god. Are you guys like in the same coven? Or, shit, oh my god, you're totally warring covens, I am in the middle of a turf war. Oh my god. Oh my god! This totally explains the bus this afternoon. Man! Motherfuck! You think you know a girl and then she turns out to be a bloodsucking demon of the night. Man. Shit. I wonder how long this has been a thing. Oh man. I bet she's bitten Jade. Wait. Fuck. Shit. Lesbian vampires. Shit. I just got a little turned on. Fuck. Fuck. I'm ruining feminism. Holy shit" - 

"Shut _up_." 

"Wait, you know what I just realized? I am definitely Shinji Ikari. I'm torn between Kaworu Dave and lesbian Asuka Rose. This is amazing and going to end tragically." 

A thick eyebrow rises from behind the shades. "You like Evangelion?" 

"Evangelion is awesome. Don't even hate." 

"Huh." 

And that's how John and Bro end up plopped on the couch in a pile of smuppets, watching anime until Dave makes his reappearance. 

Dave creeps in after two episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Whatever he was expecting, clearly this wasn't it. His mouth opens and closes a few times. Finally, he closes the door behind him and says, "Goddammit, John, I had just weaned Bro out of his weeb phase." 

"This kid is okay. He compared you to Kaworu." 

"I do have that way of undressing people with my eyes." Dave climbs up on the back of the couch like a cat, curling up. "So, uh, what happened after I left?" 

"I tormented Bro and then we watched anime. That's basically everything that happened." 

"I wish I could dispute that. Also he thinks Rose is a vampire." 

Dave dissolves into a bout of laughter so strong John worries he's going to pass out. It only stops when he topples over the back of a couch with a soft thud and a muffled "oof." 

"No," Dave says, climbing back up and smoothing down his shirt in a desperate attempt to retain his dignity. "She's not a vampire." 

"Oh. Then how does Bro know her?" 

"She's a vampire hunter. I guess he and her mom go way back or something. I don't care enough about his drama to ask, to be honest." Dave flops into John's lap. 

"Well, that's like a zillion times more awkward than a rival vampire coven." He huffs. "How am I supposed to make peace between my best friend and my passionate lover if they're trying to kill each other?" 

Bro makes a peculiar hacking noise. 

"Would you like a cough drop." 

\--ghostlyTrickster [GT] has begun pestering tentacleTherapist  [TT] \--    
GT: so i had the most interesting day today!!    
GT: you will never guess all the things i learned.    
GT: so many physics equations, rose. so many.    
TT: I'm happy for you.    
GT: yeah, it was great!    
GT: for example, there is this one equation where one of the variables is called "i'm shacking up with a vampire."    
GT: there's another variable called "my best friend is a vampire hunter, which is awkward."    
GT: i guess when you put them on the same side of the equation, it causes a nuclear reaction??    
GT: intense stuff.    
TT: Is that so.    
TT: That doesn't sound like any physics I know.    
TT: Of course, perhaps you're just further ahead in the textbook.    
GT: ok why didn't you tell me you have this whole hannah montana double life thing going on!!    
TT: I wasn't aware I'm a blonde teen pop sensation with a fashion taste that ranges from stylish and trendy to disastrous.    
TT: I must have been sleepwalking all these years.    
GT: you know what I mean.    
TT: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. My singing voice isn't particularly good. Then again, at least I don't have a horrid Tennessee accent.   
TT: Was it a Tennessee accent? Some kind of horrible Southern accent.    
GT: wow, rose. judging people for the way they speak sounds kind of elitist. i think you should apologize to miley stuart right away.    
TT: I am sorry, Miley Stuart. I didn't mean to insult your nasal twang. You can't help it.    
GT: that did not sound very sincere.    
TT: That is as sincere as I could make it.    
GT: okay, but back to the subject on hand.    
GT: i am actually seriously upset that you did not tell me that all those times you couldn't hang out were because you were slaughtering the undead.    
GT: i knew you weren't studying!    
GT: i just figured you were blowing me off.    
GT: so many years of friendship insecurity that could have been avoided. smh.    
TT: How did you find out?    
GT: dave told me.    
TT: And how, exactly, did you two get on the subject?    
GT: uhhhhhhhh.    
TT: John.    
GT: i plead the second.    
TT: You plead the right to bear arms.    
GT: yes. i am riding this train all the way to the finish line. i plead the second.    
TT: Well, it sure is a relief you didn't plead the fifth. My way is clear to continue pestering you.    
TT: How did you get on the subject.    
GT: oh, you know, we were just making idle conversation about dave being a vampire, and then he was like, you know what is a funny coincidence?? your friend rose is a vampire hunter! haha. that sure is ironic. i love irony.    
GT: that is 100% something he said. he is weirdly hung up on irony even though i'm not sure he knows what irony actually means.    
TT: And how, exactly, did you get on the subject of Dave being a vampire?    
GT: well . . .    
GT: that is actually a really funny story!    
GT: see, i got bored with physics and so we just started hanging out.    
GT: and then hanging out turned into making out, which was pretty awesome, ngl.    
GT: and then he accidentally bit me, which was super awkward because biting to vampires is like nosebleeds to animes.    
GT: "wow, dave, i didn't realize you had such a raging boner for me! sheesh, calm down."    
GT: then we had to have the vampire conversation. yeah. that was how it happened.    
TT: kfsjdakfkl;kdj;jfkdhfg    
GT: rose.    
GT: u ok.    
TT: He BIT you.    
GT: very affectionately!!    
GT: i don't know if bite is even the right word. i think 'love nip' might be better.    
TT: HE BIT YOU.    
GT: wow, you are not listening to a word i'm typing.    
TT: MotherFUCK.    
\--tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum!--    
GT: rose.    
GT: rose?    
GT: ah fuck. 

\--- 

\--ghostlyTrickster [GT] has begun pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--   
GT: hey jade, are you there?   
GG: yeah!! hey :)   
GT: i think i need you to help me rein in your girlfriend. 


	11. chapter ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh

Jade intercepts Rose in the hallway outside her apartment. A gun holster, a short ponytail, and a sweet denim jacket have her girlfriend looking less like an innocent schoolgirl and more like some kind of action heroine badass. Jade’s almost distracted enough to forget why she’s there. Almost.

“Hey, how about you come hang out at my place? We can snuggle, relax, watch a couple stupid horror movies.”

“Get out of the way, Jade,” Rose says.

Jade puts her hands on her hips, indignant. That's enough calm for now. “Okay, missy, John just pestered me to let me know that you are about to do something crazy and irrational. And look, here you are, doing something crazy and irrational! You can barely even stand upright without your crutches. And I am one hundred percent sure that is an unregistered firearm, do you really want to get arrested and labeled an irresponsible gun owner? Not to mention you’ve already been bested by the Striders once, and that was when you were uninjured AND not in their territory AND had your mom as backup AND it was only Dave. So all I am saying is, how about you come with me and relax, and we will snuggle until you calm the fuck down.”

“He bit John.”

“I know, but you’re not thinking straight.” Jade steps forward to gingerly wrap her arms around Rose’s waist. When Rose doesn’t pull away, she rests her head on the other girl’s shoulder, hair falling into her eyes, humming softly. “You’re going to get yourself killed, and I couldn’t stand it if that happened. So how about you just come lay down with me, and we can talk it over? And then if you’re still really mad after that, we can make a game plan to murder the Striders together.”

She doesn’t really mean the last part; even though she still doesn’t like Dave, she’s pretty sure John would be upset if he showed up disemboweled in an alley somewhere. And she’s also confident that she can talk Rose down before it gets to that point. After all, Rose is being the least rational person on the face of the earth right now. All Jade has to do is show her some sense.

After a pause that lasts the span of three slow breaths, Rose nods. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Jade slips her hand into Rose’s, twining their fingers together and squeezing lightly.

In just a few seconds, they’re ducking into Jade’s apartment, sneaking into her room. Jade’s grandpa is sound asleep on the couch, snoring in front of some Discovery Channel documentary. Still, Jade’s careful to be quiet. She’s not sure whether or not Grandpa is aware of Rose’s hunter status, and she figures waking up to a denim jacket and pistol would kind of ruin the innocent image.

Rose shrugs out of said jacket as soon as they reach the bedroom, casting it to the floor before crawling onto Jade’s mattress and resting her head on one of the pillows.

“Okay.” Jade slides in next to her. “First of all, where’s your mom?”

“Is that important?”

“Kind of. Does she know where you are?”

“No. She passed out at the kitchen table and I put her to bed before we started talking to John. She’s been pretty out of it for the past few weeks.”

“Okay. See, that’s the first flaw in your plan. You should have made sure you had some kind of backup.”

Rose blows a strand of hair out of her face. “I didn’t take a lot of time to think it through.”

“Yeah, see?” Jade wraps an arm around her waist and nuzzles close, pecking her lightly on the mouth. “That’s what they always say in those action hero movies. The hero’s wife gets killed or whatever, and he goes running into the thick of things, and the sidekick is like, you are not thinking this through!! And the hero is like, I don’t care, I’m angry!! Rah rah bluh bluh! And then they get gravely injured because they didn’t think it through, and the sidekick has to save the day. And you don’t even have the sidekick!”

“Dave doesn’t kill humans who don’t fit a certain standard. At least, he claims he doesn’t. I don’t know anything about his brother, though.”

“You don’t have the proper intel either.” Jade strokes her hair, kissing her nose this time. “If you’re going to plan to break into a supervillain’s fortress, you at least need to know what you’re walking into.”

“I don’t think Dave is dangerous. Not intentionally.”

“He shot you.”

“He could have killed me.”

“Okay…” Jade’s brow knits in confusion. “If you don’t think he’s dangerous, then why are you so into killing him?”

“He bit John.”

“So? John said it was a pretty mild bite, and I guess vampires don’t get turned through biting, so…”

“You don’t understand.” Rose pulls away from her and rolls onto her back, staring at the ceiling, not meeting Jade’s eyes. Her stare is wide and unblinking. Jade glances between her and the window, finding the artificial lights from the building next door and the filtered gaze of the waning moon.

“Then help me understand.”

“Vampire bites – they don’t turn you, that’s true. But vampire venom, it has an addictive quality to it. You don’t get hooked after just one bite, sure, but make it a regular thing and… And accident or not, I don’t like the idea of John being trapped in the goddamn web of that _thing_.”

“I don’t think he meant to do it, though. I don’t think it will happen again.”

“That doesn’t matter!” Rose’s voice rises, and Jade hurriedly shooshes her, ears pricked for any sound of movement from the living room. So far the only noises are from the continued rumble of the television. “Sorry. What matters is that if it happened once, it could happen again. He’s proved he doesn’t have self control. And what if next time it’s not just a bite? What if next time he rips out John’s throat? Could you really live with yourself knowing he had the power to do that, and you didn’t stop him?”

Jade sits up and draws her knees to her chest, the first real sliver of upset sinking down her spine and pooling in her stomach. It’s an unpleasant, heavy feeling, like the startled and panicked sensation of missing the last step on a staircase.

“So because he could hurt John or someone else, he deserves to die? Guilty without the chance to be proven innocent?”

“I already gave him a chance and he blew it. And he’s a monster. It’s safer that way.”

“But…” Her voice cracks. “Literally everyone has the potential to be dangerous. I could bring a knife to school tomorrow and stab five people to death. Does that mean you should put me down like I’m a rabid dog?”

“That’s different. You have the self control not to. Dave… Dave doesn’t. He proved that earlier.”

The heavy feeling gets worse, becoming hard pressure behind her eyes and in the back of her throat. She thinks she’s going to throw up or burst into tears, and she’s not sure which is worse.

“Okay,” she says, rolling out of bed. Anything to keep Rose from seeing the look on her face. She paces to the window and determinedly continues staring out, breathing in the city smog. Can’t see the stars from here. Too much rust and dust for that.

“Jade? Are you all right?”

“Fine,” she says, somewhat faintly. “What if I didn’t have that self control?”

“What?”

“What if I lost myself – what if I couldn’t stop myself? What if I kept myself so far away from people that it felt like it would kill me if only to keep them safe, but I always had that potential? If a stray person crossed my path and I ripped them apart – if I had the potential to do that, would I deserve to die? Even if it never came to pass?”

“It’s not about deserving to die or not. It’s about keeping people safe.”

Jade’s hands tremble. She braces them on the windowsill, taking a deep breath. In the alley beside the building, a homeless man loots through a dumpster. She focuses on him, wants to go downstairs and give him spare change.

“Would you kill me, Rose?”

“I…” Rose falters. “I don’t know.”

“I wouldn’t ever want to hurt anyone, honest. I pick wasps out of swimming pools so they’ll survive, Rose, I wouldn’t ever want to hurt anyone. But maybe I’d deserve it.” The homeless man comes up triumphantly with half of a Subway sandwich. “Imagine if I came across a toddler or some other little kid. Couldn’t stop myself, couldn’t control it, don’t even realize what I’ve done until I wake up with the blood all over my hands. Better to have someone put a gun to my head and pull the trigger before, right? Who knows how many lives it would save…”

She trails off, nearly forgetting the presence of the other girl. Her fingertips trail down the glass of the window, finding streaks left by rain years ago. Outside the city thrums with life, cars honking and pedestrians passing and lights flicking on and off in the neighboring buildings. She looks up and meets the gaze of the waning moon, halo of light, pulling and breaking and controlling.

“Grandpa would be so upset, though,” she whispers, mostly talking to herself now, mouth dry. “He’d be so upset.” Her forehead presses against the glass.

“Jade?” Rose is alarmed now, but Jade doesn’t have the strength to turn back to her. “What’s going on?”

“I have to tell you something.”

“Anything.”

She hears Rose roll out of bed and pad over to her, and then a pair of warm arms wrap around her waist. Rose’s forehead rests on her shoulder, body pressed gently against hers. A few tears slip past Jade’s defenses. She swallows before responding, trying to dislodge the block in her throat.

“All I ask is that if you decide to kill me, you don’t do it here. I don’t want it to happen here, not with Grandpa asleep in the other room. We could do it in the park, maybe. I wouldn’t fight you, honest. I don’t have it in me to fight you.”

“Jade, what is it?”

She swallows again. The trembling in her hands has spread to the rest of her body, quaking against Rose, chilled to the bone. This isn’t how she wants it to end. This isn’t how she wants to die, not here, not at the hands of the love of her life. Somehow she’s always pictured growing old with Rose, resting with her, rocking on some metaphysical front porch with her. Not collapsing at the wrong end of a gun barrel before she’s even graduated high school.

"I'm not, um, human."

Rose goes still, a marble statue. "What do you mean?"

"Um." Jade swallows one more time, ready for the press of a barrel at her back. “I’m a werewolf.”


	12. chapter eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers  
>  starts so soft and sweet then turns them to hunters  
> a man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night  
> may still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright  
> -howl, florence and the machine_

Rose doesn't move for an agonizing five seconds. Jade doesn't breathe. Finds the moon in the sky, feels a panicked darkness press in at the edges of her vision, tries to ground herself. Immediately after the words are out she regrets them. This is it, then, this is it. End of everything.

When Rose finally responds, it's in the form of a shaky breath on the back of her neck, an embrace that just tightens. "Oh, God."

Jade hears it, then, the absolute horror. But she can't tell whether it's directed at her or the circumstances. Is the sentence the kind of _Oh God_ following a statement like "I have three months to live"? Or is it more fitting after "I'm a serial killer"?

"I'm so sorry."

"That's not possible, though. That's not possible. I've been with you on full moons before and you've never" -

"This past moon was the first."

"That's not possible."

"Rose."

"That's not possible."

Rose takes a step back. Jade turns, slowly, hands raised in a gesture of submission. But there's not a gun pointed between her eyes. Not a gun pointed anywhere. Rose has her arms wrapped around herself, trembling.

"If this is - if this is something that Dave put you up to, you need to tell me right now. If you're doing this to distract me so that he can get away. If that's why then you need to tell me right now. I won't go after him, okay? But you need to tell me right now. Tell me you're just trying to distract me."

Jade's mouth opens and closes, but no sound comes out. 

"Jade. Jade." Rose moves toward her again, takes her hands. "Jade." Her name, soft, like a prayer. "Jade. I need this not to be true. I need you to tell me that you're fucking with me. Jade."

Jade can't speak. She tries once more and then shakes her head a fraction of an inch from side to side.

"No, Jade, look at me. I need you to tell me it's not true even if it is true. I need you to lie to me right now. I need you to do that for me. Jade. Please."

Another miniscule shake of the head, this time followed by a whisper. "I'm so sorry."

"Oh God. God. Christ. Oh Christ."

"I am so sorry."

Rose pulls her hands away, stumbles back and falls onto Jade's bed, buries her face in her hands. "I don't understand."

"I didn't kill anybody. I swear."

"How do you know?"

"I..." Jade falters.

"And your grandfather? Is he...?"

"No," she says immediately. "It's on the other side of the family. He's human."

"Christ. Okay. I need. I need a second, I can't breathe."

"Okay."

"Come here."

Jade walks slowly over to her. Rose pulls her down on the bed, lays beside her and pulls as many blankets as possible over the pair of them. That's a good idea, Jade thinks, considering both of them are shaking like they're in the throes of hypothermia.

Rose scoots up to nestle her face into Jade's hair, breathing slowly in and out. The second lengthens into a minute, which lengthens into an hour. It's nearly enough to make Jade fall asleep. After all, this is familiar. This is safe. Just laying down to rest with her girlfriend with Grandpa asleep in the other room, just one night out of a thousand, easy, simple.

Eventually Rose shifts, cups Jade's cheek gently in her hand, gazes into her eyes. Jade sees the answer there before she says anything. She knew the answer all along, really. This was nice, though, an hour left to feel okay.

"I have to do it," Rose says.

Jade nods. Her voice is remarkably calm. After all, no point in worrying now that the deal is done.

"I want to leave a note for my grandpa. I won't tell him what's happening, I'll tell him I'm leaving because I'm restless here. He knows I can take care of myself. He won't worry."

Of course he'll worry. But rationalizations are easier than facing the truth.

"Okay."

While Jade fishes for paper and writes a letter (quick, concise, same looping cursive, don't let your hand shake), Rose climbs out of the bed and starts to pace restlessly around.

"You said in the park, right?"

"Yeah. It's nice out there. I mean, dangerous this time of night, but that's not really a problem for you."

"I can do it fast. I mean, of course I'll do it fast. I wouldn't - Christ. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to justify yourself," Jade says absently, signing her name and getting up. "I would have killed someone innocent eventually. Do me a favor, though, and don't come after Dave. I highly doubt he's going to bite someone by accident again, and at least he's in his right mind all the time."

"Jade."

"I don't want you to kill him. Consider it a dying request or something."

"Right. Okay." Rose pinches the bridge of her nose.

Jade carefully places the note on the kitchen table, glancing between that and her grandfather's sleeping form. Then the two of them exit the apartment.

The walk to the park is much faster than either of them would like. Jade takes in as much as she can, the smell of car exhaust, the scent of grass. The way the moon and artificial light shine through the trees. The distant sound of cars rumbling along the road. Other than that, her mind is blank, numbness creeping through her limbs. Faced with death, she can either panic or accept. The latter is best. Her thoughts are shutting down.

Rose holds her hand the whole way there.

"This is a good place," she says, stopping under a large tree. The branches seem to stretch for miles, but she can still find the moon peeking through. She can't see any buildings from here. They're in the heart of the park. Nature sure is amazing.

The click of a gun, safety pulled back. Jade turns around slow, like in the bedroom, hands up. This time she does find the promised barrel. The world is spinning a little, so she braces one arm against the trunk of the tree to hold herself upright. Watching. Waiting.

"Make sure you don't miss," she says. "It would suck if I didn't die on the first shot."

"I won't."

A breath. Night air. Cicadas and a chill. Crickets somewhere in the earth.

"What are you waiting for?"

"I'm going to."

Rose isn't quite as calm as Jade. Her arm is shaking so hard that Jade suspects even if she does shoot, the bullet will whizz over her shoulder. She reaches out with her free hand and gently takes Rose's wrist with her hand, steadying her.

Another breath. In, out. One, two, three. She closes her eyes. Four, five.

Rose lets out a peculiar strangled sound and pulls back. Jade opens her eyes, expecting it. Blast, nanosecond of pain, nothing. Easy does it.

But Rose is on her knees, pressing the gun into the ground. She straightens up, unarmed, and stumbles back with another sound. Trips over a root and falls again, rolls over and retches.

She retches seven times, effectively emptying her stomach of its contents. Jade is by her side in a second, stroking her hair and lifting her up, wiping her mouth off. Rose grabs her shoulders like a lifeline, knotting her fingers into the fabric of her shirt so hard that Jade feels it rip.

"I'm so sorry," she whimpers.

"It's okay." Jade holds her, only realizing that she's crying when breathing becomes difficult. Rose is so warm. So warm. "It's okay, it's okay."

She lowers both of them to the ground, pressing her back against the trunk and pulling Rose into her lap. In this moment the two of them are the only ones who exist. All of the sounds of the night fade away as she seeks Rose's warmth, the texture of her hair, the press of her lips.

Rose buries her face into Jade's shoulder and screams.

She _howls_ , just barely muffled by Jade's shirt. It's an unhinged sound, the sound of a wounded animal, the sound of a person burning in hell. It's the kind of noise a person makes pressed against a hot stove and watching their skin bubble and peel back, screaming and screaming and screaming and unable to stop.

When she runs out of breath, she screams again, trailing into a sob, her fingers clawing at Jade's skin. Jade wraps her arms tighter and strokes her hair, kissing the top of her head, still crying herself. Never in her entire life has she seen Rose like this. She hadn't even thought Rose was capable of this, this hysteria.

"Shh, shh." Jade keeps up a soft and soothing whisper while Rose cries in her arms. "Shh, it's okay. I'm right here, I'm safe, it's okay. You didn't hurt me. It's okay, it's okay. I love you so much. Shh, I love you, I love you."

It's a solid hour before Rose quiets down, trailing into a murmur of I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, over and over again.

Another hour before she falls asleep.

Jade would very much like to stay there with her, but they're in danger of being found by muggers or the police, and she's certain that the gun is an unregistered firearm. Carefully she peels herself away from Rose and picks it up, flicking the safety back on and sliding it into its holster. She removes said holster from Rose's person and straps it around her waist, and then carefully lifts her girlfriend into her arms.

Rose doesn't wake through any of this, but she does cuddle closer in sleep, tucking her face against the place Jade's shoulder meets her neck. Jade carries her home, where she finds that Grandpa is still miraculously asleep. She lays Rose down in her bed and then tears the note into tiny pieces, throwing them in the trash.

The gun and holster are both placed in the far recesses of her closet for safekeeping. Then she crawls into the bed beside Rose, wraps an arm around her waist, and falls fast asleep.


	13. chapter twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rose grapples with guilt

The next morning, Rose wakes after the sun is high in the sky, Jade asleep beside her. It's a few seconds before memories of the previous night come back to her, and even when they do, the pain is more like a far-off dream than a reality. A much more immediate pain is the one in her still-healing leg.

She prioritizes first. After all, priorities are the best way to stay sane while her world crumbles around her. Somewhere during their freshman year, Jade's grandpa stopped caring whether she went to class or not and simply called her in when she overslept. Rose doesn't have the same luxury, but she does have a few acquired skills.

She fishes her phone out and scrolls through the contacts to find the front desk of the school, presses the number. Dial tone, ringing, one two three and a polite greeting.

"Heeeeey," she says in response, doing a passable imitation of a mother drunk at ten in the morning. "Jus' wanted t' let you know Rosie Lalonde's not gonna be in today, she's not feelin' good and all kindsa pained from her tragic injuries. Tell John Egbert to pick up her work. Pinch him on the cheek for me."

Then she hangs up before they can take too much time to question it.

The noise rouses Jade, who blinks a few times before stretching. "Morning."

Rose pulls her knees to her chest. "Please tell me last night was a dream."

"It's okay. Don't freak out, I just woke up. Need a minute to get rid of my morning breath before I smooch you."

"Right."

She does not freak out. She breathes slowly to keep her heart rate low, and does not think about how different this morning could have been. She does not think about the light leaving Jade's eyes, the dull thud as her body would hit the ground, another monster slain. She does not think about a night plagued with unhappy half-dreams of 'no time for a proper burial.' She doesn't think about dragging herself home covered in dirt and blood, staggering upstairs, and collapsing onto a woman likely too trashed to help.

She definitely doesn't take it a step further and think about the wolves who already met the wrong end of a bullet, or her own cold indifference. She doesn't think about the terror in their eyes or the squirming discomfort in her stomach, squashed down by _saving lives saving lives saving lives_. She doesn't think about how they had lives and families and how she may have robbed some little kid of their parent, staying up all night eagerly awaiting Mommy's return and then crumpling onto the kitchen floor -

"I'll be right back," she says.

Jade nods. Rose ducks into the bathroom and very calmly shuts the door, then turns on the tap full blast and splashes water on her cheeks, biting down on a scream. Doesn't think about how she didn't dare question her own lifestyle until someone she loved was in danger and how _despicable_ that makes her, breathe, breathe, keep it the fuck together.

This is okay. This is okay. It's okay. The past can't be changed and regretting it will just bring her unnecessary hurt. She splashes more water on her face, rubs her eyes. Jade is out there, warm and safe and perfect and alive, and Rose loves her so much. Jade is okay, which means this is okay. The future hasn't been written yet. Rose can make this okay. It's fine. It's fine. Jade is okay. It's fine.

She turns the tap off and examines her own reflection, combing through her hair with her fingertips. When the terrible knot in her chest has dissipated slightly and she can look herself in the eyes, she exits the bathroom and lays down beside Jade. "I'm okay."

"That's good." Jade takes her hand and squeezes.

"I'm going to - to help. We have a while until the next full moon. That's long enough to think, to figure out a plan. I'll help. I'll keep you safe and nobody will get hurt. We'll manage it."

Another squeeze. "Okay."

"I love you. I love you. I am so sorry about last night, I would never - I could never - I am so sorry."

Jade leans in, her hair tickling Rose's neck, and kisses her nose. "I know. I forgive you."

In the distant part of her mind, Rose registers that there's really no coming back from this. After all, how do you reconcile your relationship when you've held a gun to your girlfriend's head? If Jade's ever going to trust her again, it'll take more action and conversation than a simple I'm sorry.

But now isn't the time for that. If Rose starts down that road - _How could you possibly love me after this? How could you possibly love me knowing what I've done?_ \- she's going to collapse into herself, and she desperately needs to keep her shit together in front of Jade.

Her first instinct is to make up some excuse and leave, but she knows how awful that is. Instead she reaches out and runs her thumb over Jade's cheekbone. "Tell me what you need from me right now. Anything you need."

"I..." A small crease appears between Jade's eyebrows. "I need you to take care of yourself. If that means staying here with me all day and talking or screaming or crying, we can do that. If you need to go scream and cry and hit something on your own, that's okay too. This is kind of, um - this is, this is a worldview changing kind of thing, I would understand if you needed time to yourself to sort stuff out."

Rose kisses Jade's forehead and then nuzzles into her hair. "My feelings for you are not and never will be on the table," she says. "If I leave I need you to know that. I'm not trying to sort out how I feel about you. I know I love you and adore you. It's just, like you said, um." So much for eloquence. "This is kind of a worldview changing thing, and I think I need some time to reconcile that, because as you can imagine it's kind of freaking me out. But also you are the one who nearly, uh, who nearly got the bad end last night, so if you need me then I'm here. I am not very good at talking this morning."

"Go do what you need to do, Rose," Jade says softly. "Just keep yourself safe. We'll work out what's going on with us later."

"I love you so much." She kisses Jade hard on the mouth, as if she can put all of her love and apologies into that one gesture. "I'll text you later, I promise. I love you so much."

Jade nods. "I love you too."

Rose decides not to ask about her gun holster, and instead kisses Jade one more time before getting off the bed. It would be so easy to traverse the short path back to her own apartment and slip into her bedroom. But her mother will probably be home, and she has no good excuse for why she's not in school. So she takes the elevator to the ground floor and hobbles into the street, stopping in the alley next to the building.

She needs to think, to prioritize. Her mind is spinning a million miles a minute and there's no one she can turn to - can't talk to her mother, can't talk to John, can't burden Jade, and she desperately doesn't want to be alone with her thoughts. It's there, pacing under a fire escape and contemplating whether she fits the definition of a serial killer, that she texts the last person she'd ever expect to ask for help.

TT: Any chance you can fake a terrible stomach bug and come meet me?   
TG: im kind of involved in my education here   
TG: the pythagorean theorem is revolutionizing my world   
TT: The Pythagorean Theorem is sixth grade math.   
TG: im not even in math class i was illustrating a point im in study hall   
TG: the hell do you want to meet me for   
TG: have you been gearing up with momma bear to blow me away   
TG: if so this is a shitty setup i can smell the trap from ten miles upwind    
TG: bc my sense of smell is that advanced yep   
TG: anyway john and i were planning to do hand stuff in the bathroom next period im not sure i want to pass that up   
TG: the boy is terribly awkward but mmm do i want those piano fingers wrapped around my meat schlong   
TT: Dave.   
TG: my pulsating love handle   
TT: Can you please shut up for one second.   
TG: my quivering beef truncheon   
TT: I'M SERIOUS.   
TG: whoa fine sorry was i not erotic enough for you   
TT: I need to meet you somewhere. I'm unarmed. Preferably we could talk somewhere public. It would relax us both.   
TG: the question remains   
TG: the hell do you want to talk to me about   
TT: I'll explain when you get here.   
TG: explain now   
TT: Dave i'm kind of ffreaking the fuck out and my ability to type is quickl y degendnrating so could you find it in your heart to stop being a raving douchewaffle for just one second?   
TT: One second is all I ask.   
TG: . . .   
TG: is jade ok   
TT: please come   
TG: oh christ   
TG: yeah ok   
TG: ill meet you in the starbucks with the penis shaped tree    
TT: She's not dead. Or physically injured.   
TG: thats good   
TG: congrats to her   
TG: gonna put my phone away and swoon now   
TG: give me a half hour ill be there   
TT: Thank you.   
TG: later


	14. chapter thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i'm only human, i've got a skeleton in me_   
>  _but i'm not the villain despite what you're always preaching_   
>  _you call me a traitor_   
>  _i'm just collecting your victims_   
>  _they're getting stronger_   
>  _i hear them calling_   
>  _-monster, paramore_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow long time no see  
> i'm sorry. i'm trash

When Dave enters the Starbucks, Rose has already claimed a tiny table in the corner, her hands curled around some kind of drink. She's not sipping at it, though, which leads him to believe that she just wants the warmth. Fair enough. The world must feel pretty cold.

He slides into the seat across from her. "When you said not dead or physically injured..."

"She's fine. I haven't even kidnapped her and tied her up in a basement. You must be so proud of me."

Her voice is remarkably steady, but her fingers tremble around the Styrofoam cup. She's shivering all over, lips pressed together, heart pounding faster than it should. And yet she's breathing deeply and slowly. All earmarks of a person trying to hold themselves together.

He shrugs his backpack off and props his chin up in his hands. "How did you find out?"

"She told me."

"Why the hell would she do that."

"Because I . . . " Rose's breath hitches and her eyelashes flutter as she tries to keep back tears.

"Whoa, whoa, okay." Dave pulls back. "We can table that question for later, just don't start crying, shit. I don't know how to deal with crying people. I'm skilled in like everything except that. You've found my one weakness."

She barely manages a smile, rubbing hard at her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm all right."

"Nah, you're a goddamn mess. Which means that some real shit went down. And the only reason you'd let the evil vampire see you vulnerable would be if you have nowhere else to go, so... she leave you?"

"No." Rose rubs her eyes again, takes another deep breath. "Not yet, anyway."

"Then why'd you call me here? I mean, not that I'm not flattered and all, but in recent days we haven't exactly been besties."

"I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I am a serial killer. I figured I should confide in the other serial killer I know."

"Ah." Dave drums on the table, avoids meeting her eyes. Onetwothreefour onetwothreefour, keep the beat, almost in time with her heart rate. This is not his strongest point. Living with Bro has prepared him for a lot of dangerous shit, and yet bypassed something as simple as talking about feelings. Damn.

After a pause that lasts twenty fingertaps, he says, "Well, at least you have a Freudian excuse. Since you're so into Freud I imagine you're creaming yourself over all the psychological implications."

"I don't want to blame my actions on my mother."

"You could, though. Blame your mom and grow up with a bunch of issues, but less issues than you'd have if you were feelin' all that remorse on your own."

"I have autonomy."

"Right."

"I do."

"Look, Rose..." He frowns and his hands stutter; he loses the rhythm. "I'm not saying you're incapable of making your own choices. It's just that the things you've been brought up with are rationalizations at their finest. Depersonalization - it's pretty easy not to view the victims as people when they're not human. Two-dimensional rendering - you've seen one, you've seen them all, like killing ants. Violence from the time you could walk. Black and white thinking. I'm not saying that you couldn't have questioned your lifestyle before this, or that you shouldn't have. I'm just saying... I think it was natural for you not to."

"So it's okay that I've killed people. Since I was brought up with those morals."

It's bitter and sarcastic on the surface, but underneath he detects a trace of something else. Hope. That's it.

"That's what you want to believe, isn't it?"

"I don't know what I want to believe. The problem is that" - She breaks off and her trembling stops, her muscles locking up. For a moment Dave thinks there's an external trigger and his head whips toward the door, but nobody's there.

"The problem is what?"

"Even if I can rationalize the past violence, I - I want to keep hunting."

"Oh." This throws him for a few seconds. "So it's not really about me being a serial killer. It's about me being the only other person you know who needs to hunt like it's an addiction."

"Could you stop if you wanted to?"

"Stop eating and drinking? Sure. I hear Jesus was pretty good at doing that too."

Her eyes narrow. "You're dead. Your cells aren't degrading, but you're dead all the same. You have no need for nutrition, you can't get dehydrated..."

"I need energy."

Her eyes narrow further. Time for a deflection.

"Speaking of being dead, the nurse took my temperature."

Aaand the eyes widen. Much better. Diversion tactic, bullseye.

"What?"

"She concluded that her thermometer was broken."

"I'll bet she did."

"I'm just glad she didn't take my pulse."

Rose finally cracks a real smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling. "That would have been rather unfortunate."

"I had this whole backup plan in mind in which I convinced her that her hand was numb and that I was fine, and then while she panicked and called an ambulance I would forge a pass and quietly slip out the back. It would have been badass. Not as badass as strutting away from an exploding building, but pretty far up there. Too bad I never got to put it into action."

"All you'd need to complete the image would be a conveniently placed beam of light sliding over your shades."

"Bam, sparkle, pow. Action hero formula in the bag."

"Can vampires live without consuming blood?" she says without missing a beat.

Dave blinks at her. "Jesus, I'm still fantasizing about my badass action hero self. Give me a minute before you pull total conversation whiplash."

"Stop avoiding."

"I don't know."

"Uh huh."

"No, I really don't know." He holds his hands up in a defensive gesture, leaning back against his seat. "Bro never tried to go without blood. Before you judge his character, it was on account of raising a very human little kid. For some reason he didn't want to be thirsty around me. Very strange. It's almost like he didn't want to kill me."

"Hmm." Rose finally takes a sip of her drink, which has to be getting cold by now. "I find it strange that he raised you at all. I mean, I'll grudgingly recognize that my view of most supernatural life is probably skewed, but a vampire-human paternal relationship seems... very odd. Have you ever asked him why?"

Dave shrugs. "It doesn't really come up in conversation."

"You're afraid to ask."

"He adopted me because he was lonely and needed an excuse not to give up his humanity. At least that's what I'm assuming. Nothing else makes sense."

"Did you know what he was? Growing up, I mean."

He shakes his head. "Not when I was little. Figured it out when I was thirteen."

"And turning - was that your choice?"

"Yeah. Originally we were going to wait until I was older, mid-twenties."

"But?"

Dave shrugs, the hairs on the back of his neck prickling as a sliver of discomfort slides down his spine. "I got sick. Very tragic and everything, et cetera. I opted for coming back from the dead rather than just rotting in the ground."

"Do you regret it?"

"This is starting to feel like an interrogation."

"I'm just trying to understand." Rose pauses. "And distract myself."

The corner of Dave's mouth quirks upward, and he decides to humor her. "I don't want to die. Well, permanently die."

"Buuut?"

"But there are things about it I don't particularly like. Like the bloodlust. And the lack of a beating heart. And the whole not aging thing. And the fear of being discovered. And also the fear of being staked by more competent hunters than you."

This time she downs about half of the drink in a few gulps.

"I almost shot Jade."

The crease between Dave's eyebrows deepens. He tilts his head to the side, but there's no stutter in her pulse, nothing to signify a lie. "What?"

"I had my gun to her head and I couldn't pull the trigger."

Against his will, a slightly-derisive laugh bursts from his lips. He realizes his mistake a second later and covers his mouth with a hand. "Shit. That's not funny. Sorry."

"What the fuck are you laughing at, then?"

"You're even colder than I thought. You gotta go to murder rehab."

"Don't."

"You need help, Rose." He leans forward and props his chin up again, elbows resting on the table. "I'm not even saying that to antagonize you or nothin'. I mean, you really need someone to help you. Otherwise you or someone you love is going to end up dead. Or really, really bad off."

"I don't suppose you're offering?"

"Nah, but I will look up murder rehabs for you," he says, pulling out his phone. "I think they're called federal penitentiaries?"

"Not funny." Immediately, she changes track. "How have you learned to control yourself so well?"

"Hmm?" he says, scrolling through blog posts.

"You've only been turned for a few months, right? If that's the case then you shouldn't be nearly so controlled around blood. Aside from your slip-up with John, you've been perfect - attending school, living in a highly populated area, acting human... how are you doing that?"

"Obviously I'm just a master of the vampire arts. I conquer in mere days what it takes the most skilled vamps years upon years to perfect."

"Your brother taught you."

"Let's not talk about what I went through to attain this level of control. It was highly unpleasant."

"But how? What thought processes and skills are you using? I need to know. As a recovering murder addict. Look, I'm admitting I have a problem and everything."

"I can show you better than I can tell you."

"Show me?"

"Hmm." A pause, as he considers. "I'm going hunting tomorrow. You should come with me. I'll show you how I do it."

"Because the way to avoid murder is to be exposed to more murder."

"I'll show you how to hold it together, Lalonde. That's what you want, right?"

"I don't kill humans."

"Depersonalization, remember?" He grins at her and stands, closing his mouth when he feels his fangs unsheathe the slightest bit. "Just a different kind of monster."

Her tongue flicks out at her teeth. The silence lasts five seconds, endless beats that Dave counts out in his head.

"Okay," she finally says with a nod. "Okay. I'll come."


	15. Orphaning The Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm terribly sorry :C

ok so!! i'm orphaning this story

first of all i'd like to apologize to the people who are subscribed to this fic and clicked on this thinking it was a new chapter  
i'm going to keep this fic up but i'd like to explain why i'm not writing more

1\. i'm still super enamored with rosejade but i don't......... really ship................. johndave anymore......... at least not as a monogamous relationship i ship a lot of johndavekat and johndavejadekat and various polyamory but not johndave isolated on its own. i am sorry

2\. i really despise most of my characterization and every time i reread the chapters i cringe

3\. i don't have the passion required to continue this story

4\. a lot of the writing is plain lazy

5\. i hadn't decided how to end it yet and i can't wrap up all my loose ends in the kind of satisfying climax and character arcs i want

that said!! i figure you guys should know what was going on with various characters and where the story was headed because you've stuck with it this long and i don't just want to leave it open ended 5eva

-rose and dave are twins. bro and mom were hunters together before bro was turned

-when the kids were born bro insisted that they had to give up hunting. mom lalonde did not take kindly to this -- hunting is what she's best at and she is a particularly prideful woman -- and bro threatened to disappear with the kids. in response mom essentially threw him to a den of vampires, expecting him to be torn to shreds. instead he was turned. he came back to take dave and rose but mom caught him and started shooting before he could grab both of them, so he had to run with only dave. mom vanished along with rose, who growing up had no idea any of this had gone down

-part of the reason mom was so insistent on rose learning to hunt was in case bro ever came back

-it took bro a long time to track down rose and mom lalonde, mostly because he was focused on keeping dave safe. he had intended to leave the choice of whether to be turned or not up to dave and not to do it until dave was in his mid-twenties, but alas

-bro wanted to gain rose's trust and eventually convince her to leave her mom and disappear with him and dave

-mom, however, discovers dave's existence and figures out who he is before bro can do that. she predictably freaks the fuck out, insisting that she and rose have to disappear and that rose cannot contact her friends. rose is pretty pissed about this so under the guise of saying "goodbye" to jade heads over to the striders' apartment with the intention of demanding answers at gunpoint

-bro's fairly unamused by this and rose is in pretty over her head so there's a scuffle followed by rose getting kidnapped. oh dear

-things are doubly complicated by the fact that all of this goes down two days before the full moon, when rose was planning to help jade and her grandpa get the hell out of dodge

-mom lalonde figures out the harleys' secret and is pretty fucking pissed that she didn't realize it before. she goes after them both, managing to seriously injure or kill (i hadn't decided yet) grandpa harley as he's phasing and engaging jade in one hell of a chase through the woods. i hadn't decided how to end this part i'm so sorry but neither mom lalonde or jade were going to die

-throughout all of this dave and john's relationship was going to become closer, going from hooking up to an actual meaningful deal. i don't know what the fuck i was doing here this was other stuff i was going to figure out

-i also needed to figure out how to make john relevant to the messes that everyone else was going through and never managed to do that. sorry john

-also wasn't sure how i was going to resolve pretty much anything from here from the kidnapping to mom lalonde's quest for vengeance to jade etc. i knew mom lalonde was not going to be talked down and would probably end up dead by the end of the story and bro would need to get some serious dressings down because he's far from perfect in any way. dave would eventually end up allying with rose over either of his parents

-rest assured everything would have turned out ok eventually

so anyway i'm sorry that i couldn't give you a more complete plot overview, that was due to my insufficient planning. i hope that at least tells you a little bit though and i hope you forgive me for orphaning the work. i am far from finished writing fanfic but it's very likely that anything i churn out from here on out will either involve various polyamorous relationships or davekat. SO YEAH! that is a life update and everything.

if you are interested in keeping up with my random personal life shit, my tumblr is http://commanderfraya.tumblr.com

take care everyone

ps: if you have any questions about the story (or about anything else really) feel free to ask!! i will answer in the comments


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